MLB picks New Yorkers over locals as All Star Game guides

Pittsburghers not savvy enough to point out interesting and entertaining things about Pittsburgh.

Welcome to Pittsburgh, All Star game visitors. We're damn glad to have you. Nice town, this is. Dish is here to make your visit more enjoyable and, as a gesture of goodwill to you (or as some say around here, "yinz") out-of-towners, let us make this offer: Allow us to be your guide.

Dish is given to understand that many of the locals who volunteered with Major League Baseball to help guide guests around Pittsburgh have been replaced by New Yorkers with some sort of friendly relationship to MLB officials. You know, it's one of those situations where the MLB folks are throwing chums and underlings a bone by flying them out here for the game, putting them up in a hotel and such. Dish is told they will guide visitors by using a little cheat sheet crafted for that purpose. Good for them. Not so hot for you.

Be assured, you will be sent to one of three places: Station Square (Don't go—except to take a Just Ducky Tours ride—the place stinks. Though it does have a store dedicated to socks. Good times!), Carson Street on the South Side (which can be fun ... if you're under 30 or looking to sleep with someone under 30. Good times!), or the Strip District (Clubs and such. It isn't what it sounds like. Though there is one of those places on Penn Avenue. Great times!).

There's a lot more to our fine little town than that. Drop us a line at editor@pittsburghdish.com. We'll suggest a restaurant that's not Morton's or Ruth's Chris (both are fine, but don't you want to try something local?), a bar that's not a teenybopper/frat-jackass haunt, or a diversion that's not sanctioned by MLB. Dish knows things. We could probably suggest some shopping as well (no sales tax on clothes
in Pennsylvania).

A few Pittsburgh ground rules:

* There may be french fries on your salad. Don't be alarmed, we do that here.

* If you drive, you will get lost. Downtown's shaped like a triangle and the city fathers tried to lay it out as a grid. This begets some confusion. The rest of the city is sick with hills and rivers, which can be disorienting. Just ask Mike Pinto who came here from
Connecticut for Mr. and Mrs. Dish's nuptials.

* Turn signals are rarely used.

* A local will almost always help you if you get in trouble, lost, etc. If you insult the Steelers, however, you may be pummeled.

* In terms of local beer, Penn Brewery's products are invariably excellent. Iron City isn't so hot, but truth be told it's no worse than Bud, so give it a shot. Try a Straub if you can. Or East End Brewing.

* We've had some bad heroin going around lately. Bring your own.

* Yes, the accent is silly. What of it?

Thanks, and be in touch. We're glad to help.