Pittsburgh Dish

Evil Beer

Your bowels: "Please don't drink this"

Dish usually drinks Straub in the summer and Yuengling in the winter. These are the official beers of Dish HQ. Relatively inexpensive, Pennsylvania-produced (keeping tax revenue and jobs in state), and rather tasty.

Lion Brewery is in Wilkes-Barre, which, as you likely know, is also in Pennsylvania. Fairly recently, a friend of Dish came across a Lion product called Knight's Head. It comes in ale and lager flavors.  Knight's Head meets the Dish Pennsylvania and inexpensive criteria. Why not try it?

Because it's absolutely awful, that's why. The things this "beer" does to one's insides ... The horror. For $11.99 a case ($9.99 on sale!) Knight's Head is both cheaper and more effective than any prescribed purgative on the market today. At least Milwaukee's Best Light has the decency not to taste like anything. Straight bubbly tap water has never harmed a soul.

Knight's Head has the piquant aroma of gym socks stuffed with ancient ham hocks. It twists the intestines like a seaman braiding hemp rope. It leaves the body in the same liquid state in which it enters. It causes skull-crushing headaches and erodes the will to live.

Knight's Head has this motto, which Dish just made up: "If you want a beer real bad, we've got a real bad beer."

Or this one: "Fit for a vagrant."

Maybe this? "Maybe you should really consider AA if you've been reduced to this."

And, finally: "For those who think Blatz is just too good for them."

Best place to watch the playoffs

Bar none

Large televisions, cold beer and a small crowd crazy about the Pens minus yahoo behavior. Riggs Lounge on the North Side is a sports bar without being a sports bar.

The place has been in the same family for 70 years. Longstanding family ownership is a hallmark of one of Dish's other favorite corner beverage dispensaries, Contois' Restaurant in New Haven, Conn. A foolish consistency may be the hobgoblin of little minds, but it's also the hallmark of congenial family bars.

The beer, is very, very chilly. Bear, the bartender, often packs the bottled beverage in ice rather than simply letting it languish in the cooler. The effect is significant enough to make Iron City taste like mother's milk.

The snack menu is extensive. Nuts, crackers, chips, pretzels, beef jerky, gum ... all six food groups.

The bartender is exceedingly pleasant and will enjoy watching sporting events with you.

The decor is early-60s nifty, with velvet, textured wallpaper and individual lights illuminating the capacious booths.

The ladies' can is the cleanest in Christendom, as is the men's, and Riggs' invests in high-quality bathroom tissue—a plus for the sensitive.

Takeout beer is available at a cost of about $7 for a sixer of 16 ounce cans. Iron City bottles cost $2. This is the only bottled beer price Mr. Dish knows as it's the only bottled beer Mr. Dish has ordered at Riggs'. Other stuff, including mixed drinks, is probably not that expensive. Don't' sweat it, Daddy Warbucks.

Things to remember:

• Cash only.

• No kitchen. You may bring your own food, but it's vital that you first ask the bartender for permission. Not that you'll get yelled at, or anything, you'll just look like a bit of an ass for thinking that you own the place.

• No taps. Knowing this means never asking, "What's on draft?"

• No fancypants microimportforeignsmallbatch beers. Sorry, J. G. Pimplebottom III.

Riggs Lounge, 1208 Brighton Rd, North Side, 412-322-1120

Photo by Frank Kownacki

Modern-ized

An old tavern renewed

Photo by Frank Kownacki. Click image for larger view.

"The Modern Cafe," located on Western Avenue in Allegheny West, has long been a fine place to enjoy an adult beverage with its cheap, cold drafts, red vinyl booths, fine sound system and commendable jukebox (though it is digital). In the 1990s, the Modern's retro charm caught the lens of the filmmakers who committed Michael Chabon’s novel “Wonder Boys” to celluloid but, thankfully, it hasn't been swarmed with Roller Derby hipsters or tourists in need of a good slumming.

On Steelers Sundays, the place is a rest stop for fans in need of a boost on the way to or from their cars. And for a while, Karaoke packed the place with off-key revelers. The Modern has always gone quietly about its business, never suffering from an identity crisis. It is what it is, a solid neighborhood bar that just so happens to be super cool.

In the coming days, the Modern will gently introduced some small, but significant, changes. In addition to a sampling of fried fare, co-owner Dean Zotis will offer panini sandwiches until closing. Zotis owns The Little Deli down the block and delivers take-out lunch orders to the Modern. Coming soon—as soon as the panini press he ordered comes in—he'll offer grilled sandwiches into the evening.

A growing selection of microbrews is also on tap as well as is a jazz night, an endeavor he's cooking up with Muriel's, the fine restaurant  down the street. Zotis will also welcome Muriel's diners who need a place to wait for a table. When your table is ready, Muriel's will call the Modern.

Neighborhood imbibers welcome this news as the Monterey Pub in the Mexican War Streets is becoming more of a restaurant than a bar. The increasing popularity of the Pub is making it difficult for beer-soaked regulars to cop a squat and booze away the evening in comfort. The Pub now takes reservations for large parties, and on many nights you must put your name on a list to get a booth in which to enjoy a beer. Good for the Pub, bad for the genteel neighborhood wastrel.

The Pub is also banning smoking come the end of March. In a way, Dish is OK with this as the decision was made by ownership, not the state. On the other hand, both halves of Dish smoke, which makes us less inclined to patronize a business that makes us less than welcome.

So, the Pub's going modern and, thank heavens, the Modern's going just a little pub.

862 Western Ave Pittsburgh, PA 15233 (412) 321-4550

Scoop du Jour

A plea, a pint and food on the move

Dear Dish Readers,

I'm hoping you can help me out with a problem I've had for years here in Pittsburgh: the quest for a great bagel. I'm a native New Yorker living in the 'burgh, and I grew up on H&H bagels, probably the best bagels on the planet. When I first came out here, I was extremely disappointed with the quality of bagel selection (and dumbfounded as to how a true Jewish bagel never made its way out to Pittsburgh). For the last four years, I've been having my relatives back home freeze and ship real bagels to me from NYC (I kid you not). I think it's about time to try and find one decent place around here that makes a true bagel.

Thank you,
Andrew

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In The Night Kitchen, part of Pittsburgh's growing nomadic food scene, will be at Break Even Coffee this Friday and Saturday evening. For more information visit In the Night Kitchen's blog. Read about the local traveling food movent, written by yours truly, Mrs. Dish, in the next issue of the City Paper which hits the stands tomorrow.

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From Scott at East End Brewing Company:

2007 East End Brewing Charity Open House

Tickets go on sale SATURDAY NOVEMBER 10th at Growler Hours!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 8th:

Afternoon Session: 12-3pm
Evening Session: 5-8pm
Hoity-toity VIP Session- a.k.a. "Bigs, Bugs, Bottle Conditioned": 4-5pm This is a collection of long lost East End Brews from my personal stash, some sour ales, and some vintage bottles - and maybe a surprise or two. Tickets for this session may only be purchased WITH an Evening Session ticket, and will cost you 15 bucks more. Space and in some cases, BEER is limited.)
Advanced Tickets are $35. After 5pm on December 1st, tickets are $45.

This gets you...

An East End Brewing Pint Glass
Tastings of at least 10 East End Beers on tap, on cask, and in bottles - including two brand new beers.
"THREE" our bottle conditioned Triple Anniversary Ale
Session Ale #8 - to be named that day
Great food from Pittsburgh area restaurants
Bigelow Grille
Church Brew Works
Harris Grill (amazing how they continue make great food without a restaurant!)
Kelly's Bar and Lounge
Mad Mex
Piper's Pub
Sharp Edge Restaurants
Access to raffles, gift baskets, and even beer to go! (Yes, we'll somehow still manage to be open for Growlers 12-5pm that day)
TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE AT THE BREWERY - there is also chance of some on-line ticket sales, but we're still working on that. So don't count on anything... come get them at the brewery while the gettin's good!

I fully expect the second session to sell out first, and with any luck, we'll fill the first one too, and raise some nice money for PLEA. 100% of the money you pay for your ticket will go to provide respite support to families of kids with special needs.

An open letter to Shirley Jones

Please have a Stoney's with me

Shirley, I loved you in The Partridge Family. Why didn't they let you sing more? I mean, really, you were the only one with any significant vocal talent. Susan Dey? No talent hack--at best. Don't get me started on
Cassidy. Can't wait to see you in Oklahoma! at the Benedum, babe.

In any event, it's well known that your grandfather founded Jones Brewery in Smithton. And, it's equally well known that I, Mr. Dish, very much enjoy Jones Brewery's signature product, Stoney's Beer. (Happy 100th B-Day, Stoney's!) It's less well known that I have an empty case of Stoney's 16-oz returnable bottles sitting in my basement, but I feel I must bring this to your attention to prove my sincerity regarding my statement about my enjoyment of the beverage that, though sales resulting from the manner in which it pleased the palate of Western Pennsylvania beer drinkers, allowed your mom and dad to give you $160 to travel to New York in 1952 and land a role in the original Broadway run of South Pacific.

That, dear, took moxie! And beer.

So, now that you've returned to your native area to again take the stage and favor us with your remarkable talent, I ask you this: Shirley Jones--granddaughter and daughter of brewers, star of stage, silver screen and small screen--will you please visit my home (not far at all from the Benedum on the North Side) and have a Stoney's with me and on me?

Please, Shirley Jones, consent. Have your people contact me at editor@pittsburghdish.com to make arrangements.

Sincerely,
Mr. Dish

Vice Update

Butts and brews for youse

Apparently Pennsylvania courts are following the Dish manifesto. Today in the world of jurisprudence, the smoking ban got the boot and this blessed commonweath is giving thought to allowing its citizens to buy beer in the exciting 12-serving format. Huzzah!

Dish eagerly awaits the ruling mandating Pennsylvanians consume no less than five pounds of grilled bratwurst per month whilst rocking out to Foghat, and  shooting heroin with nude models. The day is coming, people. The day is coming.

Photos by Jeff Glagowski; Model: Kristen Sizer; Foot belongs to Jamie Arabolos. Click photos for larger views.

We came, we saw, we drank

Pittsburgh Pants Party proper.

Photos by Patrick Kent

It was a lovely Saturday evening, the 16th day of September. Forgoing the pleasant weather, a handful of Pittsburgh-area Deadspinners congregated in the dank recesses of 222 Bar a couple hours before gametime. Moonshine Mike, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette scribe Diana Nelson-Jones (both pictured left), a guy in a Clinton Portis t-shirt and Pirates cap, Pat in a "Pittsburgh Baseball: Rebuilding since 1992" t-shirt, That Guy, Jewdago, Sarcastro, Mrs. Sarcastro, a fellow in a Pirates away jersey and Sarcastro's mom and dad braved the depredations of the triple deuce and began to get sauced. Deadspin overlord Will Leitch considered coming as well, but opted to go to Cincinnati to plan for his upcoming wedding and monitor the progress of race relations in the Queen City. His absence was made up for with a photo of Will displayed on a stick. More or less the same thing, right?

Sarcastro's mom was afraid to drink from the tavern's glassware, so she tippled a Smirnoff Ice. Other beers consumed were Iron City, IC Light and Yuengling (all fine Pennsylvania products). Jewdago mostly drank Bud. Sarcastro didn't like that. It seems that it might have been the second inning by the time the Deadspin and friends crew entered majestic PNC park, having remained in the 222 for a round after the first pitch. Priorities.

Inside, the group met Sarcastro family friend Tricia, landed a coveted SRO spot on the left field rotunda and settled in for the contest. And more beer. And cheese fries. And Quick-it Chicken. And pizza. And more beer. A young fellow in a Olerud jersey was asked why he wasn't wearing a batting helmet. Jason Bay was serenaded with O, Canada!

It is agreed that much more happened, but such events are lost in a fog of beer. Word is, the Pirates won 3-2. Hooray! Here are some photos by Patrick Kent.

Deadspin Pants Party in Pittsburgh update

Pregame booze event set; most other stuff up in air.

OK, we know this much. Deadspinners shall meet around 5 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 16 at 222 Bar, conveniently located at 222 Federal Street, across and up the way from Spring Hill Suites. Thanks to it being Jack Wilson bobblehead night—and anticipating decent weather—it was impossible to block out a section of seats. The plan is this: To meet at the bar, drink relentlessly, enter PNC and hang about on the rotunda en Deadspinmasse. Drop a note to editor@pittsburghdish.com with any trials, tribulations vexations.

Thanks. And Hooray, bear!

P.S.: If anyone's heading to the Pitt/Michigan State game, let me know. I'll be there as well.

Joe/Sarcastro

MLB picks New Yorkers over locals as All Star Game guides

Pittsburghers not savvy enough to point out interesting and entertaining things about Pittsburgh.

Welcome to Pittsburgh, All Star game visitors. We're damn glad to have you. Nice town, this is. Dish is here to make your visit more enjoyable and, as a gesture of goodwill to you (or as some say around here, "yinz") out-of-towners, let us make this offer: Allow us to be your guide.

Dish is given to understand that many of the locals who volunteered with Major League Baseball to help guide guests around Pittsburgh have been replaced by New Yorkers with some sort of friendly relationship to MLB officials. You know, it's one of those situations where the MLB folks are throwing chums and underlings a bone by flying them out here for the game, putting them up in a hotel and such. Dish is told they will guide visitors by using a little cheat sheet crafted for that purpose. Good for them. Not so hot for you.

Be assured, you will be sent to one of three places: Station Square (Don't go—except to take a Just Ducky Tours ride—the place stinks. Though it does have a store dedicated to socks. Good times!), Carson Street on the South Side (which can be fun ... if you're under 30 or looking to sleep with someone under 30. Good times!), or the Strip District (Clubs and such. It isn't what it sounds like. Though there is one of those places on Penn Avenue. Great times!).

There's a lot more to our fine little town than that. Drop us a line at editor@pittsburghdish.com. We'll suggest a restaurant that's not Morton's or Ruth's Chris (both are fine, but don't you want to try something local?), a bar that's not a teenybopper/frat-jackass haunt, or a diversion that's not sanctioned by MLB. Dish knows things. We could probably suggest some shopping as well (no sales tax on clothes
in Pennsylvania).

A few Pittsburgh ground rules:

* There may be french fries on your salad. Don't be alarmed, we do that here.

* If you drive, you will get lost. Downtown's shaped like a triangle and the city fathers tried to lay it out as a grid. This begets some confusion. The rest of the city is sick with hills and rivers, which can be disorienting. Just ask Mike Pinto who came here from
Connecticut for Mr. and Mrs. Dish's nuptials.

* Turn signals are rarely used.

* A local will almost always help you if you get in trouble, lost, etc. If you insult the Steelers, however, you may be pummeled.

* In terms of local beer, Penn Brewery's products are invariably excellent. Iron City isn't so hot, but truth be told it's no worse than Bud, so give it a shot. Try a Straub if you can. Or East End Brewing.

* We've had some bad heroin going around lately. Bring your own.

* Yes, the accent is silly. What of it?

Thanks, and be in touch. We're glad to help.

The New Face of Straub

Dan Straub hopes his new logo will link a new generation to his century old beer.

Logo changes reflect retail trends, corporate culture and shifts in public perception. Consumers have witnessed Betty Crocker emerge from the beauty shop and rejoiced in Aunt Jemima's liberation. They've watched the NBC peacock molt and swallowed KFC's brevity.

Those changes seem far less intimate as the one Straub Brewing Company unveiled last month.

The 134 year-old brewery based in St. Marys, PA decided they wanted to attract younger beer drinkers to their salt- and preservative-free ales, so two years ago they turned to Mirage Advertising in Monroeville for advice on how bridge that gap--visually.

Mirage's Creative Director David Porter and Account Executive Jim Balog set out to put a fresh face on the "Honestly Fresh" ale, a beer that hadn't seen change--in taste or technique--in decades.

"It's still a family-owned company," says Porter, "so the changes had to go through many committees. It was a big decision for them to do this."

The letter S was the catalyst, says Porter. He says the current one resembled a musical clef." Ironically the new "S" is based on lettering used on an older label, says Porter.

But it wasn't just about changing the first letter. Porter says that months of market research went into the letters that followed-- most importantly the age of their target market. "It's a rare opportunity to get to do something like this," says Porter. "This is an old family business and as such change isn't easy."

"We wanted the design to be more hip and happening," says Porter. But not at the expense of alienating Straub's aging boomers.

"We wanted to bring Straub into the new millennium but not make it so different that it's be unrecognizable."

The white lettering is now red and a modern looking gold ring design is the main feature. The identifiable Strab crest is gone. While some might consider the changes subtle, longtime Straub fans might find jarring. Soon they'll see it on six packs, cases and promotional materials.

President Dan Straub says customer feedback is about 75-percent positive (he first said 50/50). "We've been receiving calls, emails and letters. Some people who have been drinking it for years don't like it at all. But others have been very receptive to it."

Strab said he's been modernizing the tap system as well, changing from two prongs to a ball tap.

"It's a new generation," laughs Straub. "We've gotta keep up with the times."