Pittsburgh Dish

Best place to watch the playoffs

Bar none

Large televisions, cold beer and a small crowd crazy about the Pens minus yahoo behavior. Riggs Lounge on the North Side is a sports bar without being a sports bar.

The place has been in the same family for 70 years. Longstanding family ownership is a hallmark of one of Dish's other favorite corner beverage dispensaries, Contois' Restaurant in New Haven, Conn. A foolish consistency may be the hobgoblin of little minds, but it's also the hallmark of congenial family bars.

The beer, is very, very chilly. Bear, the bartender, often packs the bottled beverage in ice rather than simply letting it languish in the cooler. The effect is significant enough to make Iron City taste like mother's milk.

The snack menu is extensive. Nuts, crackers, chips, pretzels, beef jerky, gum ... all six food groups.

The bartender is exceedingly pleasant and will enjoy watching sporting events with you.

The decor is early-60s nifty, with velvet, textured wallpaper and individual lights illuminating the capacious booths.

The ladies' can is the cleanest in Christendom, as is the men's, and Riggs' invests in high-quality bathroom tissue—a plus for the sensitive.

Takeout beer is available at a cost of about $7 for a sixer of 16 ounce cans. Iron City bottles cost $2. This is the only bottled beer price Mr. Dish knows as it's the only bottled beer Mr. Dish has ordered at Riggs'. Other stuff, including mixed drinks, is probably not that expensive. Don't' sweat it, Daddy Warbucks.

Things to remember:

• Cash only.

• No kitchen. You may bring your own food, but it's vital that you first ask the bartender for permission. Not that you'll get yelled at, or anything, you'll just look like a bit of an ass for thinking that you own the place.

• No taps. Knowing this means never asking, "What's on draft?"

• No fancypants microimportforeignsmallbatch beers. Sorry, J. G. Pimplebottom III.

Riggs Lounge, 1208 Brighton Rd, North Side, 412-322-1120

Photo by Frank Kownacki

Modern-ized

An old tavern renewed

Photo by Frank Kownacki. Click image for larger view.

"The Modern Cafe," located on Western Avenue in Allegheny West, has long been a fine place to enjoy an adult beverage with its cheap, cold drafts, red vinyl booths, fine sound system and commendable jukebox (though it is digital). In the 1990s, the Modern's retro charm caught the lens of the filmmakers who committed Michael Chabon’s novel “Wonder Boys” to celluloid but, thankfully, it hasn't been swarmed with Roller Derby hipsters or tourists in need of a good slumming.

On Steelers Sundays, the place is a rest stop for fans in need of a boost on the way to or from their cars. And for a while, Karaoke packed the place with off-key revelers. The Modern has always gone quietly about its business, never suffering from an identity crisis. It is what it is, a solid neighborhood bar that just so happens to be super cool.

In the coming days, the Modern will gently introduced some small, but significant, changes. In addition to a sampling of fried fare, co-owner Dean Zotis will offer panini sandwiches until closing. Zotis owns The Little Deli down the block and delivers take-out lunch orders to the Modern. Coming soon—as soon as the panini press he ordered comes in—he'll offer grilled sandwiches into the evening.

A growing selection of microbrews is also on tap as well as is a jazz night, an endeavor he's cooking up with Muriel's, the fine restaurant  down the street. Zotis will also welcome Muriel's diners who need a place to wait for a table. When your table is ready, Muriel's will call the Modern.

Neighborhood imbibers welcome this news as the Monterey Pub in the Mexican War Streets is becoming more of a restaurant than a bar. The increasing popularity of the Pub is making it difficult for beer-soaked regulars to cop a squat and booze away the evening in comfort. The Pub now takes reservations for large parties, and on many nights you must put your name on a list to get a booth in which to enjoy a beer. Good for the Pub, bad for the genteel neighborhood wastrel.

The Pub is also banning smoking come the end of March. In a way, Dish is OK with this as the decision was made by ownership, not the state. On the other hand, both halves of Dish smoke, which makes us less inclined to patronize a business that makes us less than welcome.

So, the Pub's going modern and, thank heavens, the Modern's going just a little pub.

862 Western Ave Pittsburgh, PA 15233 (412) 321-4550

Scoop du Jour

A plea, a pint and food on the move

Dear Dish Readers,

I'm hoping you can help me out with a problem I've had for years here in Pittsburgh: the quest for a great bagel. I'm a native New Yorker living in the 'burgh, and I grew up on H&H bagels, probably the best bagels on the planet. When I first came out here, I was extremely disappointed with the quality of bagel selection (and dumbfounded as to how a true Jewish bagel never made its way out to Pittsburgh). For the last four years, I've been having my relatives back home freeze and ship real bagels to me from NYC (I kid you not). I think it's about time to try and find one decent place around here that makes a true bagel.

Thank you,
Andrew

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In The Night Kitchen, part of Pittsburgh's growing nomadic food scene, will be at Break Even Coffee this Friday and Saturday evening. For more information visit In the Night Kitchen's blog. Read about the local traveling food movent, written by yours truly, Mrs. Dish, in the next issue of the City Paper which hits the stands tomorrow.

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From Scott at East End Brewing Company:

2007 East End Brewing Charity Open House

Tickets go on sale SATURDAY NOVEMBER 10th at Growler Hours!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 8th:

Afternoon Session: 12-3pm
Evening Session: 5-8pm
Hoity-toity VIP Session- a.k.a. "Bigs, Bugs, Bottle Conditioned": 4-5pm This is a collection of long lost East End Brews from my personal stash, some sour ales, and some vintage bottles - and maybe a surprise or two. Tickets for this session may only be purchased WITH an Evening Session ticket, and will cost you 15 bucks more. Space and in some cases, BEER is limited.)
Advanced Tickets are $35. After 5pm on December 1st, tickets are $45.

This gets you...

An East End Brewing Pint Glass
Tastings of at least 10 East End Beers on tap, on cask, and in bottles - including two brand new beers.
"THREE" our bottle conditioned Triple Anniversary Ale
Session Ale #8 - to be named that day
Great food from Pittsburgh area restaurants
Bigelow Grille
Church Brew Works
Harris Grill (amazing how they continue make great food without a restaurant!)
Kelly's Bar and Lounge
Mad Mex
Piper's Pub
Sharp Edge Restaurants
Access to raffles, gift baskets, and even beer to go! (Yes, we'll somehow still manage to be open for Growlers 12-5pm that day)
TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE AT THE BREWERY - there is also chance of some on-line ticket sales, but we're still working on that. So don't count on anything... come get them at the brewery while the gettin's good!

I fully expect the second session to sell out first, and with any luck, we'll fill the first one too, and raise some nice money for PLEA. 100% of the money you pay for your ticket will go to provide respite support to families of kids with special needs.

An open letter to Shirley Jones

Please have a Stoney's with me

Shirley, I loved you in The Partridge Family. Why didn't they let you sing more? I mean, really, you were the only one with any significant vocal talent. Susan Dey? No talent hack--at best. Don't get me started on
Cassidy. Can't wait to see you in Oklahoma! at the Benedum, babe.

In any event, it's well known that your grandfather founded Jones Brewery in Smithton. And, it's equally well known that I, Mr. Dish, very much enjoy Jones Brewery's signature product, Stoney's Beer. (Happy 100th B-Day, Stoney's!) It's less well known that I have an empty case of Stoney's 16-oz returnable bottles sitting in my basement, but I feel I must bring this to your attention to prove my sincerity regarding my statement about my enjoyment of the beverage that, though sales resulting from the manner in which it pleased the palate of Western Pennsylvania beer drinkers, allowed your mom and dad to give you $160 to travel to New York in 1952 and land a role in the original Broadway run of South Pacific.

That, dear, took moxie! And beer.

So, now that you've returned to your native area to again take the stage and favor us with your remarkable talent, I ask you this: Shirley Jones--granddaughter and daughter of brewers, star of stage, silver screen and small screen--will you please visit my home (not far at all from the Benedum on the North Side) and have a Stoney's with me and on me?

Please, Shirley Jones, consent. Have your people contact me at editor@pittsburghdish.com to make arrangements.

Sincerely,
Mr. Dish

Vice Update

Butts and brews for youse

Apparently Pennsylvania courts are following the Dish manifesto. Today in the world of jurisprudence, the smoking ban got the boot and this blessed commonweath is giving thought to allowing its citizens to buy beer in the exciting 12-serving format. Huzzah!

Dish eagerly awaits the ruling mandating Pennsylvanians consume no less than five pounds of grilled bratwurst per month whilst rocking out to Foghat, and  shooting heroin with nude models. The day is coming, people. The day is coming.

Photos by Jeff Glagowski; Model: Kristen Sizer; Foot belongs to Jamie Arabolos. Click photos for larger views.

We came, we saw, we drank

Pittsburgh Pants Party proper.

Photos by Patrick Kent

It was a lovely Saturday evening, the 16th day of September. Forgoing the pleasant weather, a handful of Pittsburgh-area Deadspinners congregated in the dank recesses of 222 Bar a couple hours before gametime. Moonshine Mike, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette scribe Diana Nelson-Jones (both pictured left), a guy in a Clinton Portis t-shirt and Pirates cap, Pat in a "Pittsburgh Baseball: Rebuilding since 1992" t-shirt, That Guy, Jewdago, Sarcastro, Mrs. Sarcastro, a fellow in a Pirates away jersey and Sarcastro's mom and dad braved the depredations of the triple deuce and began to get sauced. Deadspin overlord Will Leitch considered coming as well, but opted to go to Cincinnati to plan for his upcoming wedding and monitor the progress of race relations in the Queen City. His absence was made up for with a photo of Will displayed on a stick. More or less the same thing, right?

Sarcastro's mom was afraid to drink from the tavern's glassware, so she tippled a Smirnoff Ice. Other beers consumed were Iron City, IC Light and Yuengling (all fine Pennsylvania products). Jewdago mostly drank Bud. Sarcastro didn't like that. It seems that it might have been the second inning by the time the Deadspin and friends crew entered majestic PNC park, having remained in the 222 for a round after the first pitch. Priorities.

Inside, the group met Sarcastro family friend Tricia, landed a coveted SRO spot on the left field rotunda and settled in for the contest. And more beer. And cheese fries. And Quick-it Chicken. And pizza. And more beer. A young fellow in a Olerud jersey was asked why he wasn't wearing a batting helmet. Jason Bay was serenaded with O, Canada!

It is agreed that much more happened, but such events are lost in a fog of beer. Word is, the Pirates won 3-2. Hooray! Here are some photos by Patrick Kent.

Deadspin Pants Party in Pittsburgh update

Pregame booze event set; most other stuff up in air.

OK, we know this much. Deadspinners shall meet around 5 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 16 at 222 Bar, conveniently located at 222 Federal Street, across and up the way from Spring Hill Suites. Thanks to it being Jack Wilson bobblehead night—and anticipating decent weather—it was impossible to block out a section of seats. The plan is this: To meet at the bar, drink relentlessly, enter PNC and hang about on the rotunda en Deadspinmasse. Drop a note to editor@pittsburghdish.com with any trials, tribulations vexations.

Thanks. And Hooray, bear!

P.S.: If anyone's heading to the Pitt/Michigan State game, let me know. I'll be there as well.

Joe/Sarcastro

MLB picks New Yorkers over locals as All Star Game guides

Pittsburghers not savvy enough to point out interesting and entertaining things about Pittsburgh.

Welcome to Pittsburgh, All Star game visitors. We're damn glad to have you. Nice town, this is. Dish is here to make your visit more enjoyable and, as a gesture of goodwill to you (or as some say around here, "yinz") out-of-towners, let us make this offer: Allow us to be your guide.

Dish is given to understand that many of the locals who volunteered with Major League Baseball to help guide guests around Pittsburgh have been replaced by New Yorkers with some sort of friendly relationship to MLB officials. You know, it's one of those situations where the MLB folks are throwing chums and underlings a bone by flying them out here for the game, putting them up in a hotel and such. Dish is told they will guide visitors by using a little cheat sheet crafted for that purpose. Good for them. Not so hot for you.

Be assured, you will be sent to one of three places: Station Square (Don't go—except to take a Just Ducky Tours ride—the place stinks. Though it does have a store dedicated to socks. Good times!), Carson Street on the South Side (which can be fun ... if you're under 30 or looking to sleep with someone under 30. Good times!), or the Strip District (Clubs and such. It isn't what it sounds like. Though there is one of those places on Penn Avenue. Great times!).

There's a lot more to our fine little town than that. Drop us a line at editor@pittsburghdish.com. We'll suggest a restaurant that's not Morton's or Ruth's Chris (both are fine, but don't you want to try something local?), a bar that's not a teenybopper/frat-jackass haunt, or a diversion that's not sanctioned by MLB. Dish knows things. We could probably suggest some shopping as well (no sales tax on clothes
in Pennsylvania).

A few Pittsburgh ground rules:

* There may be french fries on your salad. Don't be alarmed, we do that here.

* If you drive, you will get lost. Downtown's shaped like a triangle and the city fathers tried to lay it out as a grid. This begets some confusion. The rest of the city is sick with hills and rivers, which can be disorienting. Just ask Mike Pinto who came here from
Connecticut for Mr. and Mrs. Dish's nuptials.

* Turn signals are rarely used.

* A local will almost always help you if you get in trouble, lost, etc. If you insult the Steelers, however, you may be pummeled.

* In terms of local beer, Penn Brewery's products are invariably excellent. Iron City isn't so hot, but truth be told it's no worse than Bud, so give it a shot. Try a Straub if you can. Or East End Brewing.

* We've had some bad heroin going around lately. Bring your own.

* Yes, the accent is silly. What of it?

Thanks, and be in touch. We're glad to help.

The New Face of Straub

Dan Straub hopes his new logo will link a new generation to his century old beer.

Logo changes reflect retail trends, corporate culture and shifts in public perception. Consumers have witnessed Betty Crocker emerge from the beauty shop and rejoiced in Aunt Jemima's liberation. They've watched the NBC peacock molt and swallowed KFC's brevity.

Those changes seem far less intimate as the one Straub Brewing Company unveiled last month.

The 134 year-old brewery based in St. Marys, PA decided they wanted to attract younger beer drinkers to their salt- and preservative-free ales, so two years ago they turned to Mirage Advertising in Monroeville for advice on how bridge that gap--visually.

Mirage's Creative Director David Porter and Account Executive Jim Balog set out to put a fresh face on the "Honestly Fresh" ale, a beer that hadn't seen change--in taste or technique--in decades.

"It's still a family-owned company," says Porter, "so the changes had to go through many committees. It was a big decision for them to do this."

The letter S was the catalyst, says Porter. He says the current one resembled a musical clef." Ironically the new "S" is based on lettering used on an older label, says Porter.

But it wasn't just about changing the first letter. Porter says that months of market research went into the letters that followed-- most importantly the age of their target market. "It's a rare opportunity to get to do something like this," says Porter. "This is an old family business and as such change isn't easy."

"We wanted the design to be more hip and happening," says Porter. But not at the expense of alienating Straub's aging boomers.

"We wanted to bring Straub into the new millennium but not make it so different that it's be unrecognizable."

The white lettering is now red and a modern looking gold ring design is the main feature. The identifiable Strab crest is gone. While some might consider the changes subtle, longtime Straub fans might find jarring. Soon they'll see it on six packs, cases and promotional materials.

President Dan Straub says customer feedback is about 75-percent positive (he first said 50/50). "We've been receiving calls, emails and letters. Some people who have been drinking it for years don't like it at all. But others have been very receptive to it."

Strab said he's been modernizing the tap system as well, changing from two prongs to a ball tap.

"It's a new generation," laughs Straub. "We've gotta keep up with the times."

Scoop du jour: Food Network comes to town, Reubens & beer

The trencherman's trifecta: Meat, beer & T.V.

We love that HD writes press releases. And might fine ones at that:

Pittsburgh’s Hot Dogma to be Featured on Food Network

Hot Dogma, a Pittsburgh based gourmet hot dog shoppe, will be featured on the Food Network television series “Recipe for Success” on Tuesday November 8 at 9:30 pm. Rebroadcasts will occur on December 4 and December 17 at 2:30 pm.

“Recipe for Success,” produced by Al Roker Productions, focuses on individuals who are taking risks to do unusual things in the world of food. In the case of Hot Dogma, three recent college graduates opened a restaurant on a shoestring budget in an attempt to create a business that would provide financial support for their church.

Hot Dogma’s episode of “Recipe for Success” tells the restaurant’s story, from a far-fetched dream at Grove City College, through a sweat filled remodeling process in Trinity Cathedral’s vacated Oliver Avenue storefront, to Hot Dogma’s opening in October 2004 and grand opening celebration in March of 2005.

Since the Food Network finished its documentation of Hot Dogma, more than half a year has passed. In those subsequent months co-owner Tim Tobitsch notes that the restaurant has done all it can to stay in business, including offering unique catering and delivery services. Despite that effort, the business now finds itself at a pivotal crossroads while exploring options for a second location.

"Truthfully, it's crunch time for us,” states Tobitsch. “People definitely like our product, but downtown Pittsburgh as a whole is struggling to have a strong retail presence, and those struggles adversely impact our day-to-day operations. Since Hot Dogma set up shop downtown, two major department stores have closed within one block of our location. Several other independent restaurants have also closed and nothing has replaced them. Having said that, downtown Pittsburgh has great urban energy and tremendous potential. We hope our presence on the Food Network will help create awareness of what downtown has to offer, as well as what our restaurant has to offer.”

With a promising yet highly uncertain future, Hot Dogma invites you to celebrate with them by tuning into “Recipe for Success” on November 8, where for one night, their dream and the city where it was birthed will be in the spotlight.

Hot Dogma is open Monday through Friday, from 7:30 am to 5:00 pm. Additional information about Hot Dogma can be found by visiting www.hotdogmapgh.com or emailing tim@hotdogmapgh.com.

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The Little Deli (910 Galveston Ave., North Side, 412-231-2678 is offering a sandwich club and a coffee club. Buy five sandwiches or five cups of coffee and get the sixth one free. TLD will now be closed on Steelers Sundays but will still take custom orders for party trays, etc. and deliver. One Dish reader claims their Reuben is "pretty darn good."

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East End Brewing Company(6923 Susquehanna St., 412-537-2337) hosts their ongrowling “Growler Hours” Thursdays from 5 p.m. -7 p.m. and Saturdays from 2 p.m. -4 p.m.

EEB describes their vat 'o beer thusly:

- Holds half a gallon of tasty beer, which is about 4-5 glasses worth.
- Shelf life: 1-2 weeks if you treat it nicely (cold and in the dark).
- 3 bucks for the jug, $10 bucks for the brew, and they'll throw the cap in for free. Refills are $10 too.

Mr. Dish & Sports Editor Jody DiPerna recommend EEB's Black Strap Stout.

Mrs. Dish recommends, once again, Rheingold. Give her a break, she's from New York. Pittsburghers appreciate loyalty, right?

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More Beer News (MBN):

Penn Brewery(800 Vinial Street, North Side, 412-237-9402) is featuring a Gourmet Game & Beer Dinner on Wed. Nov. 9 at 6:30 p.m. The five course dinner includes rabbit and veal and each course is paired with a Penn brew. Tickets are $60 which includes tax & tip.

Also on tap is their "Black & Gold" special the day after each Steeler victory during happy hour from 4 p.m. - 6:00 pm. A 16-oz. Penn Dark, 16 oz. Penn Gold and "Pretzels n'At" for only $10.00.

Food chapeaus available here.

New columnist covers Ice Burg

Hockey's back.

The following is the first of a series of dispatches from that hotbed of Pittsburgh Penguins fandom, Austin, Texas. The author, Ryan Caione, and his wife, Angela Hoover, moved there in, what was it? 1998? when the then Miss Hoover's job transferred her South. He's got that NHL TV package that allows him to watch all the hockey he wants and he writes well, hence this column.

Caione is a graduate of Beaver High School, as is Mr. Dish. He, like many Beaver High School alums who graduated between, say 1987 and 1992, slouches in an appalling fashion when sitting at a bar stool. Caione and Mr. Dish have theorized this has something to do with the collective self esteem of a group that grew up watching the Steel industry go down the tube as Ronald Reagan presided. Caione frequently exhibited this behavior when he was a student at Pitt, particularly in Oakland's now defunct Beermuda Triangle at the intersection of N. Craig and Centre Ave. He now writes about banks and such for something called Hoovers, one of those online thingies. The similarity between the name of his employer and the maiden name of his wife is purely coincidental.

It’s been too long without hockey. Too long with out pucks, sticks, skates, checks, Mike Lange’s non sequiturs, and guys with names like Maxim Afinogenov and Saku Koivu. Heck, I even started to miss clutching and grabbing. (But who doesn’t now and again?) And I doubt I was the only person who sat through the feel-good family documentary of this past summer and thought of Mario Lemieux every time Morgan Freeman said “emperor penguin."

After a lonely year-and-a-half devoid of hockey due to the work stoppage that eradicated the 2004-2005 season, it’s supposed to be a new era in the NHL. There are new rules. Tie games are a thing of the past, thanks to overtime shootouts. There is more economic equanimity between teams and a promised end to the garage-league tactics (i.e. clutching and grabbing) that the Emperor Penguin Himself has been decrying for a decade and a half.

So far, however, this year’s team has not represented a brave new world, as their off-season signings of proven -- yet aging --familiar players (Mark Recchi, Sergei Gonchar) may have implied. Instead our most favorite waterfowl recall the Reagan era when the Penguins, as they have so far this season, displayed an aptitude for forgoing defensive structure and allowing 7-6 and 6-5 games to slip from their reach. They've won only 2 of their last 20 games in Philadelphia, making Wachovia Center seem like an eerie replica of the old Philly Spectrum, where the Pens didn't win from 1975 to 1989. I won't harp on the fact that the Pens of the mid-1980s also hung hopes on erstwhile 40-goal scorers procured off the street (lord, I hope John LeClair is not Charlie Simmer).

There are flashes of brilliance and times when you, sitting on the couch, think you can play better than they. Nonetheless, the team has played only six games of a scheduled 82. Certainly this year's edition of the Penguins have the talent and savvy to adjust to the new free-flowing rules, rather than collectively playing like a beheaded chicken. Maybe they'll even win a game. But lost points against the likes of Carolina and Buffalo, not to mention division foes New Jersey and Philadelphia, likely will haunt them come spring.

The three stars of the week:

3. Sidney Crosby has been as advertised and better. He’s dreamy.

2. Two nights after New Jersey goalie Marty Brodeur stymied the Penguins in the season opener, Cam Ward, the rookie goalie of the Carolina Hurricanes, turned in an overlooked performance. In the best game of the first week, some guy I’d never heard of had me pulling out my hair as the Penguins set up chance after point-blank chance and he repeatedly denied them. The Hurricanes won 3-2 in the Penguins' first-ever overtime shootout.

1. Can Rico Fata get some love? Why isn’t he mentioned in the same breath as his team's owner and that guy who wins Tours de France (and stomach cancer survivor Saku Koivu)? The top-five scorer on the 2003-2004 Penguins (16 goals and 34 points in 54 games during their most recent season), Fata underwent surgery for testicular cancer six months ago. He was relegated to the third line this year after Pittsburgh signed a Zamboni-load of veterans over the summer. But he continues to play like a dervish, using his speed to crash into opponents and create scoring chances, yet still is responsible defensively unlike some of his teammates thus far.

I wish I was Mario Lemieux. I’m developing an unholy man-crush on Sidney Crosby. But I’ll be rooting hardest for Rico Fata.

Scoop Du Jour: Openings, closings, complaints

1410 Monterey St. Nuisance? You tell us.

Scoop left a message at the Pennsylvania State Police, Bureau of Liquor Control Enforcement regarding a bar located at 1410 Monterey St. (in photo) in the Mexican War Streets on the North Side. Several neighbors say they have complained to the local gendarmerie about noise to no avail. If you have lodged a written complaint to any authority regarding this establishment, please contact Dish. We will not revel your name.

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Monterey Pub (1227 Monterey St., North Side, 412-322-6535) has expanded their menu to include more British Isle dishes. Shepherd's Pie and Guinness roast has always been staples and now they feature a Ploughman's Lunch, a UK BLT, a UK burger and all sorts of new wraps. Oh, and Guinness in liquid form. Scoop enjoyed the UK burger, although she thinks they forgot the hearty Irish cheese. She can also vouch for the UK BLT on marble toast and Chef Mark's soups. ................................................................................................................................................

The North Side's James Street Legends closed abruptly for reasons still unknown. The legendary jazz club served a mighty fine gumbo and turtle soup, in addition to the constant menu of local musicians. Regarding the sudden departure, co-owner Duane Miller told the Post-Gazette, "there's far more going on behind the scenes." Scoop will attempt to get to the bottom of it.

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Speaking of jazz clubs, a liquor license application posted on a Federal Street storefront (dangerously close to Hi-Tops, the bar that makes Hooters seem like a Mensa meeting) lists Crawford Grill as the applicant. Scoop has a call the Crawford Grill in Station Square for further information on a possible relocation or second location.

Sports editor opens can of whup ass: Bad things about Pats elucidated

Dish sports gal Jody DiPerna dislikes the Patriots' acts. A lot.

A Modest Guide to Hating the Patriots

"Poetry and progress are like two ambitious men who hate one another with an instinctive hatred, and when they meet upon the same road, one of them has to give place" -- Baudelaire

I hate the Patriots because they are detached and disdainful. They're the machine in Lang's Metropolis. If Capra were directing the NFL, the Patriots would be Mr. Potter or D.B. Norton.

I hate the Patriots because the media fawns all over them and still they whine about getting no respect.

I hate hearing what a genius Bill Belichick is when he wears those ridiculous knit ear covers in the winter, rather than a good old hat. Now, any garden variety genius knows that most of one's body heat escapes from the top of one's head. Feh.

Corollary: I hate Belichick because he got really lucky with a 6th round draft pick (not genius, luck). And then he got really lucky that his mediocre starting QB nearly died when he was knocked silly out of bounds and Belichick had to start that self-same 6th round pick.

I hate Rodney Harrison, who is only the most penalized player of his era. Dude should be playing for the Raiders. Or the California Penal League.

I hate Patriots owner Bob Kraft because he wears those ridiculous Pauly Walnuts shirts with the white cuffs and collars. I wish they’d "make" him like Joe Pesci was "made" in Goodfellas.

I hate Mike Vrabel, who has shown himself to be a truly classless act, by taunting the Steelers in the tunnel following the 2001 AFC Championship game, and then, just this past week, taunting the Panthers fans in Charlotte. Vrabel picked off a Delhomme pass, which he returned for a TD. As he ran through the end zone, he held the ball out to the fans, as though he was going to give it to one of them; then he pulled it back at the last minute, like "psych." What is this guy? In 6th grade? But what do I expect from a player who attended THE Ohio State University.

I hate the Patriots because their uniforms are hideous.

I hate the Pats fans because at the rally in Boston after their first Super Bowl victory, the fans broke out into a thunderous "Yankees Suck" chant. Now, I don't disagree that the Yankees suck, but that's akin to Pittsburgh fans breaking out into a "Cleveland Sucks" chant while Mario was hoisting his first Stanley Cup. Didn't happen. I was there.

Corollary: I hate the Patriots because their fans are obnoxious bandwagon jumpers. Nobody in New England or Boston proper cared about the Pats until they started winning.

I hate the Patsies because they're hypocrites. They paint themselves as Joe Clean, Americana and Apple Pie, but they're full of just as many jerks, cheap shot artists, trash talkers and prima donnas as every other NFL team. Well, except maybe the Ravens, who could sell stock in obnoxiousness (NYSE symbol: OBX.)

I hate the Pats because Richard Seymour elbowed the Bus in the head last year and an unknown Patriot hooligan punched Duce in the hammy.

I hate the tuck rule. And I hate that convict zamboni driver they've got working for them.

I hate the national media for buying the Pats line of bullshit.

I hate that the Patriots are being talked of as a dynasty, when they've won their three Super Bowls by a total of 9 points. Compare that with other teams mentioned along with the D Word. (The Steelers won 4 games by a total of 30 points; the Niners won 4 games by a total of 76 points (wow!); and the 1990's Cryboys won 3 games by a total of 62 points.) Never have the Pats won a game that was a blow out, or even in hand, heading into the 2:00 minute warning. They're hardly in the same league as the Steel Curtain or the Niners of Joe Montana.

I hate Tom Brady because he's dreamy.

I hate the Patriots because they denied Captain Glenn his vibe last year.

I hate seeing a stroke addled Tedy Bruschi standing on the sidelines. Is this like some weird, New England version of "Radio?"

The Patriots are Frederick Taylor's "Principals of Scientific Management" come to life, wearing cleats, helmets and breathe-ease strips. Like the industrial revolution, they will quash all that is artistic and organic and uniquely human. Ty Law can tell you what it feels like to be "vaporized" by the Belichick machine: "People simply disappeared ... You were abolished, annihilated: vaporized was the usual word." (George Orwell,1984.)

But I know this: it's time for the Steelers take on the mantle of John Doe and strike a blow for truth, beauty and the common man and knock the already toppling crown off this dystopian collection of hypocrites, pretty boys and robber barons. And it's time to wrest the championship mantle from this modern day Henry Clay Frick once and for all and go all the way this time. You cannot halt the march of time, but you can slow it down.

Did I mention that I hate the Patriots?

Quickie food review: Pizza at Church Brew Works

Church Brew Works (3525 Liberty Ave., Lawrenceville, 412-688-8200)

Pizza review: Tastes like DiGiorno with thicker, sweeter sauce.

Beer review: Was that beer?

(The pierogies were very good and if you were raised Catholic, the sight of giant beer tanks near the Infant of Prague alcove is worth the trip.)

Bra Rah Rah: The fat lady ain't singin'...yet

"From error to error, one discovers the entire truth." - Sigmund Freud.

by Jodi DiPerna, sports editor

Did you ever have one of those thoughts that you try to push away, but you just can't shake; a  thought so awful in it's totality that you cannot let it fully bloom? Yet this same thought just won't stop nagging and keeps knocking at the back of your brain incessantly? It's the kind of thought that you try to suppress or at the very least sublimate. My therapist girlfriend would say those are the kinds of thoughts you have to give voice to, that you have to face in order to deal with them, or they will consume you. Me, I'm much more a fan of ignoring them and having a Guinness.

But I have this thought that just won't go away. About midway through the first quarter on Thursday, just as I was saying, "Cowher ought to check his offense for a pulse," wham the thought was there. And I pushed it away because it's so grotesque, so horrifying in nature, that I could not face it. But it keeps yelling to be recognized, demanding my attention, demanding to be heard. And this horrible thought can be summed up in two words: Kordell. Stewart.

For the past two weeks, Ben Roethlisberger has played like Kordell Stewart. And I don't merely mean that he's put up Kordell like stats, which he has, but more frighteningly, he's actually looked like him out there. Either that, or he's imitating Steve Martin's "Happy Feet" dance from the 1970's, because I haven't seen Ben set his feet once in the last two preseason games.

I was reminded of the 2002 season when Cowher benched Kordell midway through the Cleveland game and Tommy Maddox engineered a comeback which won him the starting job for the remainder of the season. Aside from falling instantly, madly, insanely in love with Tommy Maddox (yes I fell and I fell hard, I'm afraid) I remember Tunch Ilkin talking about the difference in the mechanics between Tommy and Kordell. Now, let's face it, Tommy doesn't have half of the physical ability that a player like Kordell Stewart has. He's not fast, nor is he particularly strong. He does have a good arm, but otherwise, on the field of play, nobody would argue that he's a better athlete than either Ben or Kordell. Hell, he's got chicken legs.

But Tunch kept talking about Tommy's footwork. And for the layperson, such as myself, it's hard to remember that there are fundamentals to playing the game at every level that even the pros might forget. Most passing plays are designed as 3 step drops or 5 step drops or 7 step drops. Tommy's footwork is as precise as Nijinsky. One-Two-Three, boom the ball is released; one-two-three-four-five, zip, the ball is out of there. Moreover, he often throws to the spot on the field where his receiver supposed to be even before the wide out makes his cut.

Now before you all start calling for my head, or at the very least, calling me a Cassandra, let me say that in spite of the first play on offense which included Ben holding on to the ball too long and dropping a dying quail just beyond the line of scrimmage just before getting drilled from behind, the words "quarterback controversy" never entered my mind.

And to be even clearer on this, I believe Ben is both talented enough and smart enough to play his way through this and to come out the other side a better, more complete quarterback.

But it does make one wonder, doesn't it? Given that I've seen this on numerous occasions from Steelers QB's - the Steve Martin happy feet that is, it makes me wonder if it's a problem with the Cowher coaching staff. I mean, Kordell lit the league on fire his first year as a starter and then, feh. Ben looks frighteningly tentative and like he's thinking too much. He's skittish. He holds on to the ball so long. Ben's got a problem with his trigger finger. And by that I mean, he seems to be unable to pull the trigger. So is the problem Whipple? Whisenhut? Cowher? Or is it simply growing pains?

I'm sure a game plan will help tremendously. None other than Ben himself has said so. And I'm wondering if Whisenhut and Cowher will just let him run, run, run and run some more. There's nothing wrong with a QB as young and physically gifted as Ben running, although he will eventually have to learn better timing and integrate more of the passing offense. No, he's not as electric as Mike Vick, but he is just as effective running the ball, I think. And if it worked for Steve Young and John Elway, it can work here.

Also, the O Line has got to get him a second longer without the pocket collapsing. Alan Faneca even missed a block on Thursday, but I don't expect to see that again this decade.

So, with all those concerns, and probably a few more, I'm looking forward to my game day routine this Sunday. Up about 9:30, coffee and the Sports Reporters at 10:00. Then ready the game day fete and spend a little quality time with the New York Times crossword puzzle. There is comfort in routine. Which makes me oddly confident all this will work itself out. Or not.

Old beer is good beer

Historically, Sam's the man.

A yellowed document hangs above the door inside Caruso's Beer Distributors. It's protected by a frame but 70 years have taken their toll. Sam Caruso can see it every day (except Sundays, of course. This is Pennsylvania) from his vantage point behind the small glass-enclosed vestibule where he stands and rings up thirsty customers.

Caruso owns one of the oldest (perhaps the oldest) known continually-operating beer distributing businesses in the region. The license was issued in1933 to his father who owned a grocery store just a few doors down from Caruso's current location on North Taylor in the historic Mexican War Streets on the North Side.

"My dad was down on Monterey and North Taylor and ran a grocery store with my mother before 1933," said Caruso, darting to and from his walk-in cooler. "He later decided to apply for license to sell beer. At that time you could sell beer at a market."

In 1950, Caruso, Sr. moved to Resaca and North Taylor and stopped selling groceries and strictly sold beer. In time father and son ran the shop. Home deliveries (which cost a quarter) and wholesale accounts made up a large portion of the business. At one time the Carusos owned 4 trucks and had 9 employees. In 1968, Caruso Beer moved to its current location and the business flourished.

"In the 1970s we had about 25 bar and restaurant accounts, with at least 10 of them along Federal Street. We sold 300 to 400 cases a week to the Shamrock Inn [on Western Avenue]." But toward the end of the decade times got rough. "With the steel mills closing and reduction of public transportation, the shot & a beer blue collars drifted away. The culture changed."

And so did the Mexican War Streets. Good for the neighborhood, but not always good for Caruso.

He explained that shortly after the Mexican War Streets gained historical status in 1979, a neighbor used political connections to force Caruso out of a parking lot he owned on a nearby street. "The neighbor didn't like looking at beer trucks. He knew somebody on the city council and our occupancy permit was denied." Caruso had nowhere to park. He fought a good fight and still has a stuffed accordion folder to prove it. Eventually inflated gas prices got the better of him and the trucks were sold.

Caruso isn't bitter about the neighbor with connections. "We're here and he's not."

In 2003, Caruso had another encounter with historical buffs. He installed a pop machine on the side of his property next to the building. He received notice that the machine violated "historical review approval" and was forced to remove it.

Yet Caruso has persevered. When the National Guard was called into Manchester during the neighborhoods violent '60s Caruso stayed put. There were times he thought of leaving the neighborhood but "things got better."

"Through it all I never had any trouble from customers. If they go to the impound to get their cars they're miserable. Here they're getting something they like."

Just as he said that, the door alarm rings signaling a customer is waiting. Sam spots the woman and whispers, "Watch this she's been coming in for years." They haggle, tease each other and finally come to an agreement.

"I know I'm difficult," yelled the woman.

"Yeah, that's why I still love ya," shouts Caruso.

Now that's historical.

Caruso Beer Distributors, 307 N. Taylor Ave., North Side, 412-321-1800. Hours: Tues.-Sat. 2 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Photos: 1933 license; Sam Caruso; family photos; 1968 walk-in cooler

Scoop du jour: Hangover heaven and other heady observations

There is no cure. But there's Max's.

Scoop recommends Sunday brunch at Max's Allegheny Tavern (537 Suismon St., Northside, 412-231-1899). For $10.99 you can pile on eggs, omelets, bacon, sausage, potato pancakes, fruit (who cares), and other foodstuffs that will cure a relentless hangover. On the last two Sundays, Scoop spotted the same Catholic priest sipping on giant martinis. You can always trust truck drivers, clerics and Germans to know good food. The buffet is offered from 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.

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Scoop hears Casbah Mediterranean Kitchen & Wine Bar (229 S Highland Ave., 412- 661-5656) will be offering a sage martini in the very near future. While Scoop is a cocktail purist (aka anything shaken, stirred and blended post 1962 should not exist), in the spirit of objectivity it will be consumed.

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Scoop offers two photos of the remodeled interior of the recently opened Roxolana's Garden (856 Western Ave., North Side, 412-231-7696). They are open for breakfast and lunch and will expand their dinner menu sometime in September (BYOB). They offer soups, salads, sandwiches as well as many Ukrainian dishes.

Ilustration: One of the great graphic historians of the excruciating hangover was mid-20th century cartoonist Virgil Partch (VIP). Scoop considers his illustrated Bar Guide, written by Ted Shane a must for any self-respecting lush.

Breaking News!

New York Beer Found Alone in North Side Fridge.

A confidential source reports that an unidentified fridge located on the North Side has only one Rheingold beer left.

Two major beer suppliers do not import the Brooklyn, N.Y.-based beer.

A sales representative from Frank B. Fruhrer Wholesale Company beer distributors said although they currently do not stock the brand, there may be hope if market research supports potential Pittsburgh sales. West Mifflin-based A.M. Lutheran Distributors Inc. also does not carry the brand.

Penn Brewery could be heard screaming from its Troy Hill locale, "Holy cow, people. What's wrong with you." The remnants of a case of Penn Gold then viciously mocked and subsequently assaulted the solo Rheingold. A cap was lost in the scrum.

The fridge owners, whose friends smuggled in the beer from Connecticut last weekend, appeal to the public for help.

No arrests made

Things are a tad slow around Dish HQ today. But for good reason.

On Saturday night, Dish hosted it's official launch party. OK so we've been around since May but, well, we're a touch on the slothful side. That deadly sin aside, we also felt it smacked of self importance to do such a thing. However, we've received such overwhelming support from friends, neighbors and the community-at-large we felt the need to give a little something back. And we wanted to drink beer. Dish likes beer. Beer. But back to that something and the giving back of it.

That something, we hope, is our continued effort to make readers chuckle, kill a few minutes at work and maybe offer a good story or two. In the near future we look forward to scooping the big dailies (we can dream can't we?) and hope to hatch our own Best of Pittsburgh awards to rival the annual advertiser arse-smooch fest at the CP and alt weeklies around the world. These and other goals were discussed over wonderful food, fine beer, tasty wine and robust coffee at Dish HQ.

Our thanks to Penn Brewery for supplying Mr. Dish's favorite beer, Aldo Coffee in Mount Lebanon for the fuel (our hungovers especially thank you), Cynthia Petno for her graceful catering (she can be reached by either calling or stopping by the Monterey Pub 412-322-6535 on the North Side), The Wine Thief in New Haven, Conn., for their usual superb selections (damn you state store system!), Reverend Ron Wanless of New Hope United Methodist Church on the North Side for his pull with the man upstairs who stopped the rain, our North Side neighbors (especially Arthur for capturing a big bug in the kitchen and Chris, who turned his home into a flophouse for weary travelers), Dish intern Katie Johnston, the Jackometer, our chums at the Post-Gazette and our always supportive and far-too-talented Connecticut friends--Kathleen Cei, Kyle Summer (Dish web designer), Mandy, Dawn, Laurie, Jeff, Chris, Tucker and Dish A & E editor Drew--who drove more then humans should in one day to help us celebrate.

And thanks to our readers who were with us in spirits, er, spirit.

 

Photos by Kathleen Cei and Colleen Van Tassell

Top to Bottom: Drew & Cynthia; Patrick, Cherise, Demitri & Dish Intern Katie; Chris, Jeff, Dawn, Mandy; Cynthia's freshly-made bounty; Katheen & Kyle; Shawn Casey & PG Morning File's Bill Toland; Mr. Dish and Eric, Dish's scanner guy; Mr. Dish, Bill & Steve; Shawn, Bill, Rachel & Casey; party shoes; our dear friends from Connecticut who we don't deserve.

Food file: There ought to be a law

(10 p.m. last Thursday night)

911. What's your emergency?

I'd like to make a citizens' arrest.

OK ma'am, what's your location?

The Sharp Edge (302 S Saint Clair St, East Liberty, Pittsburgh, 412-661-3537).

Who would you like to arrest?

Not who, what.

Ma'am?

I'd like to arrest this pizza for impersonating a pizza.

Are you on medication ma'am?

No.

Click.

(Next morning)

Mayor's Office may I help you?

Yes, I'd like to speak to Mayor Murphy.

Ma'am what is this regarding?

I'd like to make a proposal.

What would you like to propose?

I'd like him to build a pizza jail.

Ma'am?

Pizza jail. You know, a place where bad pizzas go.

The mayor has more important issues to address.

No, really, hear me out. Hello? hello?

Click.

(Having given up on the pizza jail proposal Dish switches tactics)

Dear Mayor Murphy,

We, the editors of Pittsburgh Dish, a crackpot online newspaper, respectfully submit the following appeal for An Ordinance Barring a Once-Decent Pizza Establishment from Passing Off That Hideous Amalgamation of Soggy Bread, Taste-Free Red Stuff Thought to be Sauce and What Was Presumed to be Cheese as Pie.

Whereas, A certain restaurant with the finest selection of beer, Belgium and otherwise, in all the land that can boast a proud past as a beacon of tasty pizza in an area where people actually order Domino’s because they want it, not simply as a matter of convenience, has lost not only its charm with its renovation (those old booths were uncomfortable and the carpet was appalling, but that’s what the Sharp Edge looks like, geez), but also it’s quality pizza.

Whereas, It seems as if the pizza oven was set to, like, 250 degrees and, come on, everyone knows the damn pie ought to be cooked at a very high temperature (preferably with a coal- or wood-fired oven) so that the crust (which must be very, very thin by the way) burns a tad, and likewise the cheese.

Whereas, There’s just no reason to put that much cheese on anything. Holy Hell.

Whereas, At least there’s still plenty of good beer and the server was especially pleasant, so it’s not as if there’s absolutely no reason to go the Edge any longer (though a former Edge employee informs Dish that a lot of the neighborhood regulars rather despise the new incarnation but figure, “Where else can I find all these beers?,” so keep showing up). Whereas, But, with that said, the pizza just stinks.

Whereas, If it were never good, who would care.

Whereas, Dish is very disappointed. Be it Ordained that the Sharp Edge is forbidden, estopped, prevented, disallowed, unpermitted, denotbarred, from continuing to make pizza in the manner that is currently practiced because, frankly, the whole thing is just upsetting—especially considering that Dish took friends to the place, persuading them to come by telling them that, “The pizza at this place is pretty good. It has this somewhat unusual, but really crispy, crust and there’s just enough cheese and the sauce is very, very good,” and then was made to look like a fool.

August 11, 2005 in Beer, Food and Drink, Food/Restaurant reviews, More Opinion, Opinion, Pizza, Scoop du Jour | Permalink | Comments (4)

August 03, 2005

Ruff nights

Charity, shaken not stirred.

Bark your calenders folks:

Local band Black Crash will perform at around 6:15 Friday night at Sports Rock in the Strip District (1400 Smallman St.). It's a benefit show for Animal Friends and their Bark in the Park event (Sun., August 28, North Park Skating Rink & Grounds). The benefit (held in the loft) runs from 5:30 to 8:30 pm. There will be dogs, drink specials and raffles.

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Looking for a good cause and a good excuse to go to happy hour?

If so, get your tail down to Bossa Nova (7^th Street, Downtown) every Wednesday in September for Yappy Hour II.

From 6-8 p.m., a mere ten buck donation, made to proceed the Animal Rescue League, will get you cheap drinks, prizes, cheap drinks, complimentary massages and manicures, and cheap drinks.

So if alcohol isn’t enough of a good cause, get down there and help the city's orphaned animals.

Scoop by Katie Johnston

Images: The Art of Kelly Pound

August 3, 2005 in Beer, Charity Events, Food and Drink, Food/Restaurant reviews, Four Legs, Music [1], Scoop du Jour | Permalink | Comments (0)

July 19, 2005

Pop Culture

My pop didn’t drink beer. He didn’t drink at all. I’d like to think that I’ve more than made up for him by helping a few bartenders send their kids to college.

by Drew Cucuzza

Since Francesco was a teetotaler I never had that childhood thrill of sneaking one of his beers and guzzling it with my friends. Thank God he smoked and kept money in an envelope or I would have had a theft free adolescence.

But my Russian great-uncles did drink. They both worked for a local beer distributor, where they were like kids in a candy store; hard drinking, polka loving, middle-aged kids, but kids nonetheless. Stepan actually got mail sent to Johnny’s Bar and Grille (aka "Eyepatch Johnny's"), which was the kind of place that sold Valentine’s Day candy so you didn’t have to stop on the way home from your barstool. My grandmother called Johnny’s “that Goddamn place where your uncle killed himself because of that woman.” I can’t vouch for the “that woman” part, but Stepan died of cirrhosis when I was twelve. Josef quit before it got that far. When his granddaughter was 14 years old, she had to drive him and his wife home from a polka festival, she being in the best shape to drive.

These were the men I swiped my first beer from. Schaefer, I think it was. I’m not sure if they noticed. If they did, well, a lot of regular people let kids try a beer in 1975.

When my own drinking career began, I favored a lot of the “old man” beers. Maybe some Freudian thing about my dad not being a regular guy, but more likely it was the price.

Bud was the “King of Beers” and Miller the “Champagne of Beers” but most dads didn’t feel like kings after mowing the lawn or drinking champagne after near death experiences with TV antennas. They wanted to catch a buzz and watch the game. Beers like Piels, Carling, Schmidt’s, Ballantine and Schaefer gave you a buzz at a very reasonable price. This was perfect both for dads who couldn’t blow the kid’s college money on booze and those selfsame kids who only had their allowance to blow. I seem to recall that returning seven empty cases of Carling could get you a new one. And a six pack of that fine American beer “Red, White and Blue” would set you back less than two bucks out the door.

Some of these “dad beers” are making a comeback. Some, like Schaefer and Iron City have never gone away (we have hope for Iron City). Others are now knocked back with a nudge and a wink. There’s nothing I hate more than ironic drinking. You may as well mow the lawn in black knee socks and call it hip.

Rheingold, the official beer of the New York Metropolitans, has even made a comeback as kind of hipster brew, although it’s no longer a “dry beer." I had recently seen vintage Rheingold commercials at the Warhol museum when I spotted a display at my local package store. Its motto is “Good Beer” and that’s pretty much all you need to know. It’s now my trademark beer for bringing to parties. People always make fun of it at first and then, invariably, ask for another.

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Next time your on the North Side, tap into the beer collectibles museum upstairs at The Bierhaus Tavern (aka Frank & Jerry's Bierhaus), 919 Spring Garden Avenue 412-231-2498.

Photos: Mabel, Carling's darling waitress; Blatz ad; Ballantine Beats; The Bierhause Tavern.

July 19, 2005 in Beer | Permalink | Comments (1)

July 08, 2005

Let's Go Mets

OK, I know, I'm in Black & Gold territory. But before you load up crates of rotten tomatoes and head toward Dish offices, know that Mrs. Dish, who shall attend tonight's tilt betwixt the Buccos and the Metropolitans, expects to suffer the wrath of the business end of the Pirate Parrot. And Jack and Mr. Dish.

But I believe you must root for the team you grew up with. Dance with who brung ya, if you will. For me my childhood dance partners were Ron Swoboda, Art Shamsky, Cleon Jones, Tom Seaver, Jerry Grote, Tommie Agee and Jerry Koosman. Met fans have suffered humiliation both on the field and during uniform redesigns. Those black togs and caps -- hideous. Nevertheless Mets fans are loyal. Stupid, perhaps, but loyal.

So I will risk injury at the fuzzy paws of your mascot as I did last year (in photo). As Mr. Dish and I strolled the concourse, the beast spotted me attired in my team's garb -- traditional blue cap, Mets T-shirt and a New York Daily News Mets button -- and dear Mr. Parrot mad a mad dash for me ripped off cap and rubbed it on his feathery backside.

Mrs. Dish had the chapeau cleansed by a reputable dry cleaner and, if she must, will do so again after this evening's contest.

July 8, 2005 in Beer, Sports Teams | Permalink | Comments (4)

June 30, 2005

Brew Ha Ha

Over the course of more than 140 years of making