Pittsburgh Dish

Draw for a cause

Dr. Sketchy wants you

Tis the season to sketch scantily clad models at Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School. Warm up at our Space Age Bachelor Pad aka Zombo Gallery.

When: Saturday December 15th 8:00 p.m.-11:00 p.m.

Where: Zombo Gallery, 4900 Hatfield Street, Lawrenceville

What: It’s Dr. Sketchy, where artists and their ilk draw, sketch and otherwise capture the exotic beauty of our Dr. Sketchy Girls. Not your run of the mill models. Quirky and unique. The Dr. Sketchy girls will be modeling in the latest 50’s space age fashion Special guest models and featuring our lovely spokesmodel Miss Ashley Stone. As always games, prizes and liberal libatations to limber up your creativity. Bring your sketch book and supplies. Feel free to dress the theme, smoking jackets always permitted.

Hosted by cartooning character Wayno. Tunes provided by Pittsburgh’s hippest hipster DJ Zombo!

Costumes provided by Spotlight Cotume.

Cover charge of 10 bucks supports the ToonSeum Gallery, Pittsburgh’s museum of cartoon arts.

Liquid inspiration will be on hand for an additional donation. Must be 18 to attend, must be 21 to embibe.

For more information visit www.myspace.com/drsketchypgh or email joe@drsketchypgh.com

RSVP reccommended as space is limited!

Doggie Doings

Local group seeks help

Four-legged dispatch:

Hello Bully is a Pitbull advocacy group serving the greater Pittsburgh area and beyond. We are a Non-Profit corporation registered with the state of Pennsylvania. Our 501c3 status is filed and pending with the IRS.

We support spay/neuter, responsible ownership, and education. In short, we believe that the “Pitbull problem” in not a problem with dogs, but a problem with humanity. Our “PITBULL 101” educational program is suitable for all ages and is available for your group or organization at no cost. Hello Bully also has a small network of foster families who work with us to rescue Pitbulls in need and assure that they are placed in responsible, loving homes. No breed is as misunderstood, abused, neglected or euthanized due to overbreeding. Pitbulls desperately need our help.

On Saturday, December 1st we will hold our Hello Bully Brunch & Boutique Benefit. We are looking for donations for our auction as well as vendors to table at our event and donate a portion of sales to our organization. This will be a great opportunity to promote your business at a time of the year when we are all looking for unique gifts for friends and fur-kids.

Thanks for all your support.

Please contact us on MySpace or email us at hello@hellobully.com if you can donate or participate.
Daisy
Hello Bully
www.hellobully.com

Hello Bully Brunch & Boutique Benefit
Saturday, December 1st, 2007
Noon - 3pm
The Creative Treehouse
517 Lincoln Ave. 2nd Floor
Bellevue, PA 15202

Humane Society Ball: Tux & tails

Click image for larger view.

See larger flyer here

   

Banjo biggie at the Elks

Renowned jazz banjoist strums for March 11 benefit

From Frank Rossi of the Pittsburgh Banjo Club:

Starring: From New York City, Cynthia Sayer & Her Hot Jazz Band with Randy Reinhart (cornet), Dan Levinson (clar/sax), and Mike Weatherly (string bass).

Cynthia Sayer is internationally acclaimed as one of the leading jazz banjoists, and is also known for her vocal, entertaining and multi-instrumental talents. Ms. Sayer has worked with such artists as Woody Allen, Dick Hyman, Milt Hinton, Bill Cosby, George Segal, Wynton Marsalis, Les Paul, Odetta, Marvin Hamlisch, Bucky Pizzarelli, Kenny Davern, Dick Wellstood, Bob Wilber, Doc Cheatham, Warren Vaché, en Peplowski, and many others. She tours regularly and is featured in concert and at festivals worldwide.

This all-star show benefits the Pittsburgh Children's Hospital Heart Camp. Sponsored by the Eric Smoulder Foundation and The Pittsburgh Banjo Club, the show will be held at the Allegheny Elks Lodge #339, 400 Cedar Avenue, on Pittsburgh's North Side. Show starts at 8 p.m. (Doors open at 6:30 P.M.)

OPENING ACT GOES ON AT 7 PM — THE LOU SCHREIBER TRIO

Tickets: $15.00 per person. Admission includes free draft beer! Light refreshments and bar service is available.

Tickets On Sale at following locations: Max's Allegheny Tavern, The Pittsburgh Banjo Club, or by calling Diane or Butch Smoulder at 412-322-1347, or Judi 412-821-3060, or the Elks Lodge, 412-321-1834.

ORDER TICKETS NOW…SEATING IS LIMITED…A SELL OUT EXPECTED.

Nun Roasted

Money raised

Actress Kim Richards, who stars as "Sister" in the Late Night Catechism series at the City Theatre was honored Sunday night at a Vegas-style celebrity roast. The event was held at the Elks Club #339 on the North Side.

Part fundraiser, part celebration of Richards' devotion to Pittsburgh, the event raised $670 for Elks charities.

The evening's mistress of ceremonies was Phyllis Diller, aka Pittsburgh Playhouse Props Master Diane Melchitzky, whose ear-piercing cackle was a dead ringer for Fang's ball and chain. Roasters included Judith DiPerna (Dish Sport Gal Jody DiPerna's mom) as Liz Taylor, Post-Gazette theater critic Chris Rawson as Dean Martin and DJ Devine, a regular chanteuse with the Pittsburgh Banjo Club, as Sophie Tucker.

Richards took the ribbing in good stride, though some of the bawdy remarks would've made Sister's rosary blush. Aside from many cracks hurled at Richards, the program included film clips of her earlier days as a dancer, one of her in a routine dressed in less nun-like garb (read: G-string) dangling 60 feet in the air (sans net).

A small set crew assembled the backdrop, a large "Woman of the Hour" sign and door prizes were handed out during a "Match Game" contest.

Miss Diller was a reluctant participant at first.

"When my agent told me that I was booked to do a roast at the Elks Club in Pittsburgh I thought 'Oh no, I better start drinking now!' But what a wonderful evening it turned out to be. Seeing Jackie and Liz and that adorable Paul Lynde was a thrill."

Richards, who has raised over $200,000 for local retired nuns, felt the night was also a way to thank the Elks Club and contribute to their charities. Richards and many City Theatre staff often go to see the Pittsburgh Banjo Club rehearse on Wednesday nights after shows.

"Tonight is to benefit the many charities sponsored by the Elks, especially the free, in-home nursing care for those with congenital disabilities," said Richards. "It is almost two years that Sister has been fortunate to reside over class here and in my five and a half years as a nun, this has been the most rewarding time of all."

Pictured above: Phyllis, Kim & Dean.

Giggle Fest 2007!

Yucks for a good cause.

Join in the fun this Sunday, Feb. 11, for a good old fashioned (as in two jiggers of whiskey and a dash of bitters) Celebrity Roast for a swell cause. The roastee is actress Kim Richards who stars as feisty Sister in "Late Night Catechism" at the City Theatre. The roasters will be a cadre of "lesser skilled" impersonators (meaning Foster Brooks might really slur after a few rounds at the bar). A $10 donation is appreciated and all proceeds will go to Elks charities.

If you'd like to participate in the show, it's not too late. Organizers are looking for a few good hacks to play:

Carol Channing, Buddy Hackett, Don Rickles, Dom DeLuise, George Burns, Bob Newhart, Frank, Lily Tomlin, Brett Somers, Nipsey Russell, Liza, Ruth Buzzi, Ed Noton, Joan Rivers, Soupy Sales, Jackie Gleason, Red Buttons, Orson Wells or anyone you might've seen in the Borscht Belt!

For details call Diane at 724-351-0158 or email her at dmelchitzky@pointpark.edu.

Illustration designed by Dish pal, photog & grahic design guru Jeff Glagowski: jrglagowski@comcast.net.

Media hounds hounds

Bucs upstaged by barks.

About 200 panting pooches paraded into PNC Park last night for the first-ever “Pup Night at PNC Park” (among them Shirley the Docile, Dish’s delightful doggie) and for every 20 dogs there were at least two weary press photographers wishing something blew up across town.

The “Balls, not another yippy little shit in a Pirates shirt” glaze washed over them shortly after 7:30 p.m., about two- and-a-half hours into the event. Media shutterbugs wandered aimlessly through the swelling crowd on Federal Street—where the event kicked off with pre-game activites at 5 p.m.—hoping to avoid yet another portrait of inappropriate sniffing and indelicate self bathing. Overly tanned blonde women holding little dogs—especially dressed in frilly outfits or stuffed into Paris Hilton-type carriers—stole the media spotlight (and the crown from Shirley in the beauty contest. Yes, Dish entered her in a beauty contest. Gotta problem with that?).

The event was both a fundraiser for Animal Friends (Shirley’s alma mater) and a ploy for Pirates’ marketing team to curry favor with suckers like Dish. Motives aside, Pup Night proved a wagging success and dogs got their doo in the media.

(As for Shirley the Docile: She was spotted on the Jumbotron at around 10:30 by friends seated near the third baseline and Parents of Dish (PODs) spotted her on KDKA).

Photos: (top) Cora watches the Bucs not lose; Jayke, P-G's poster pooch; Shirley and Mr. Dish (hoping his pro-spay/neuter shirt that reads "I'm Fixed How About You?" might win a few votes) vie for the crown

Goodwill to mems

Leggo your mpego.

Take the following quiz:

a) Does your computer have Wacky Pack stickers on the side?

b) Does your computer contain ABA scores in Lotus?

c) Do you own anything with the logo TRS80?

d) Is your computer Pong compatible?

e) Has your computer been unplugged since Herman's Head last aired?

If you've answered yes to any of these questions, your computer is a paperweight. It is therefore your duty to take said blob tomorrow to Heinz Field, Alco Parking Lot #2 anytime from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. and bid farewell to the old coot.

Goodwill Industries of Pittsburgh, in partnership with Dell, is launching a new program designed to refurbish and resell unused computers (to raise money for Goodwill programs), salvage valuable parts and dispose of the computer responsibly. It will divert up to 2.1 million pounds of waste from area landfills. Your computer--with its "Byte Me" written in three inches of dust--will help dozens of Pittsburghers transition from welfare to work. And help the environment.

They'll even clean your hard drive to Department of Defense standards for free. You may also donate computer books (VisiCalc for Dummies), accessories (Jazzercise mousepads) and software ( AOL "Four hours free!" 1.0).

Steelers quarterback all-around Nice Guy Charlie Batch (he took his family on a Ducky Tour recently..isn't that cute!?) will be helping out from 10-11 a.m. You can also register for many prizes.

The event is sponsored by Goodwill, Dell Computers, City of Pittsburgh’s Pittsburgh Partnership and Allegheny County.

Photos by Kathleen Cei; story tip from Patrick Kent)

Oh crap

They want to take me to a Pirates game.

by Shirley Van Tassell-Miksch

Hello, my name is Shirley. I am a dog and I need your help, as my parents are about to inflict an unimaginable cruelty upon me. See, my dad, Joe—or Mr. Dish, as he likes to call himself in this forum—got an email the other day from the Pittsburgh Pirates announcing that on Tuesday, Aug. 29, the North Side nine is allowing you two-legged-types to bring your pooches to the ballpark. He and my mom, Mrs. Dish—or Colleen—thought it would be a good idea to go to this event ... with me. Now, don't get me wrong, they're not cruel people, but why the hell would they subject me to this crap? Like it's not enough that they make me listen to games on the radio and watch those chumps get pummeled on television? What on earth have I done to deserve this? It's enough to put me off my kibble.

It's not that I don't like sports. I'd be more than happy to catch a Steelers or Pitt football game. Or a CMU fencing club match, even.

I don't think that I can talk them out of this, either. They want to enter me in the pregame canine beauty contest (Christ, let me have my dignity, people) and think it will be oh so swell to watch me mingle with my canine brethren and sisteren whilst the Buccos get treated by the Cubs as I treat a delicious beef bone. On the plus side, $5 of each $20 ticket goes to Animal Friends, the no-kill shelter that used to be in the Strip that moved to somewhere up on Camp Horne Road. That's where I came from and those folks treated me pretty nice. As you can see, I wasn't killed and they taught me to write. Good times.

Honestly, though, why my mom and dad don't just write a check to Animal Friends and let me lay on the sofa the evening of Aug. 29 is beyond me. People, I just don't get 'em.

Sports on the side: The Vikings make waves

Cruising, Minnesota style.

by Mark Weimer

The tough start to the season of the Minnesota Vikings just became a bit tougher according to most major media outlets including Yahoo! SPORTS, ESPN.com, and NFL.com. The football team, most recently heralded as stinking, has been accused of having sex. The coach refrained from commenting on the situation, but acknowledged that a public release of his football team having a sex party on board a chartered boat could possibly be a distraction. 'I'm not happy about it."

Sex, pivotal in reproduction, is most commonly practiced in private. Either on land or at sea.

Mewelde Moore, the Vikings leading rusher, either denied the allegations or sex itself. 'That's crazy. Sex? C'mon." Moore is not known for his communicative abilities and honesty.

Allegations of the incident(s) were brought forward by crew members, who claimed they had to step over and around players engaged in sexual activities. It is not clear whether contracts will be discussed with several of the crew members, whose movements through the horny team surpassed the abilities of all of the Vikings tailbacks. The coaching staff was not present to give the crew members sufficient looks.

On a brighter note, there were women involved.

It seems as though the Viking Sex Scandal, which may prove valuable in producing a good fan base, was brought on by veteran pressure. The chartering of the boat was a gift from the rookies, mimicking something like high school team initiation but with more pleasurable results. Although the entire team was not present on the boat, and not all of those on the boat were engaged in sexual activities, it is good to know that some Vikings players have reason to smile after their 1-3 start. There have been no reports of performance enhancers.

Although the crew was frightened, there was little risk of the ship sinking due to excess fluids. No injuries, barring emotional damage to the crew, were reported.

Tice hopes to bring the team together after its sexual release, as the news will cause an onslaught from media sources and will be the talk of comedians, other football teams, sports analysts, politicians, baseball teams, businessmen, teachers, janitors, electricians, dancers, scientists, health care workers, priests, and others. Tice hopes to strategically use this event to bring his players closer, though it is unknown if it can match the closeness shared on the chartered boat.

There was no list of who attended the aquatic rendezvous, but clearly those involved were a bit dense. There is no word of participation by star quarterback Daunte Culpepper, who hopefully does not take his game to the bedroom. The no-longer-decent quarterback struggled after the off-season departure of Randy Moss and has posted a 1-3 record with four touchdowns and ten interceptions. Not known for being superstitious, it is improbable that in his worst stretch since becoming a pro, Culpepper's forcing of some broad to choke may prevent himself from choking.

Although they search for ways to win, the Minnesota Vikings are finding ways to lose, even at those things at which it is difficult to be beaten.

No comments were made concerning improved playoff chances with a capsize.

Moore photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images

Breaking News: Gibsonia Man Expresses Dislike For Pittsburgh Through Cliche

Too close for discomfort: Only 15 miles away from our stupidity.

Dish is soliciting donations so this sophisticated fellow can move to a more sophisticated city so the sophisticates there can appreciate his sophistication. Call Dish for one-way rates on Greyhound and contribute accordingly. Operators are standing by.

Pittsburgh Is Dead to Me

by Tony Del Prete, Gibsonia, for the PGH City Paper (Sept. 9, '05)

Paying homage to Romero’s latest money fest, it’s time to admit it, all you yinzer zombies:  Pittsburgh is dead.  I know it’s a stake in the heart, but we are not America’s most livable city, nor the city of champions. That occurred a generation ago, when Dawn of the Dead debuted. No, today we’re more like an ongoing high school reunion, with nothing but faded memories of the glory days and the prospect of life in the land of the dead.

But what can we expect from a town where Donnie Iris is considered a rocker and the hokey-pokey an anthem; where prominent mouthpieces (sorry, Myr’n) promote Pittsburghese; where potholes outnumber the people; and where the populace responds to the boom of fireworks like Pavlov’s dogs?

With the second-oldest county in the U.S. at our core, it’s unfair to blame the many optimists trying to revive Picksburgh. The reality is that until all of the provincial, stubborn bigots of the Steel City’s legacy die off, this city will continue its slide toward becoming a ghost town. And if we continue to live in the past, then we can’t expect or envision much of a future. Personally, I don’t hold out much hope. So I’ll offer some resuscitation strategies of my own while planning where I’ll retire once my kids grow up (and hopefully move away).

First, let’s replace the dinosaurs around town with, well, dinosaurs. We can erect likenesses of the ’70s Stillers on every corner. (Hell, for a couple of bucks or a Primanti’s sandwich, we might be able get some of the real guys to stand there.) That way, when people mumble about the Immaculate Reception to kids who could care less, at least they’ll have some idea of what’s going on inside the rotting brains of Steeler Nation. The Pirates and Penguins will be represented with holographs of their players -- which, to most Pittsburghers, never existed anyway.

During the day, various unemployed workers could collect turn-signal bulbs, ashtrays and other unused items from drivers, which can be sold to pay for fire and police protection. In school, children would be reminded that “ain’t” ain’t a word, but yinz need to study for a test ’n ’at. Both newspapers would reformat to become all opinion, all the time. Television stations will drop their “World in a Minute” segment to devote even more time to weather reports. Target, Wal-Mart and TJ Maxx would be the cornerstone of Plan F.

Then, each evening after work, giant speakers would blast the hokey-pokey -- “You put the right wing in, you kick the left wing out …” This could be followed by the Chicken Dance, which would mesmerize jaywalkers and gridlockers alike, prompting a Thriller dance-a-thon into the night. (Best big hair and most realistic hair plugs win Sophie Masloff screeching bobbleheads.)

Finally, when the skyline advertising is at its brightest, we can celebrate “mill night” with orange spotlights, sparkling confetti and smog machines reminiscent of our fossil-fuel heydays. All of this would obviously culminate with a nightly fireworks display. Afterward, as everyone returns home to the suburbs, “We are Family” would play incessantly on every radio station in town (except WYEP, which would take the opportunity to beg for even more money).

I don’t mean to rain on everyone’s parade, but that’s a typical forecast for Deadtown so it shouldn’t matter. If you’re going to stick around until this horror movie ends, then try to look on the bright side. When the latest multimillion-dollar boondoggle -- the underwater passage from Dahntahn to the stadiums -- is complete, you can call it The Funnel. Here, overpriced, unhealthy foods a la the arts festival can be sold complete with enough giveaways that pedestrians will wander aimlessly until their finals days, which, for me, can’t come soon enough. Rest In Pittsburgh (R.I.P.).

 

Photo: Fond memory, or blocking progress?

With love from the North Side to New Orleans

Friends and Neighbors: Come hear the New Orleans/Cajun-zydeco band Mon Gumbo this Saturday, Sept. 10 from 9 p.m. to midnight, upstairs at Legends James Street Tavern (422 Foreland St., North Side, 412-231-1333). We are raising money for the American Red Cross to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Please come, donate a measly $20 and celebrate the music of a people of a city that desperately needs our help. Hope to see you there!

(Thanks to PG reporter Diana Nelson Jones for the tip.)

In other local music news...

Local band Kitty Litter will be performing at the Monterey Pub at about 9:30 the same night. It'll be tough to contend with the Katrina benefit but the newly formed rock band could use a little support. James Street and Monterey Pub are about a minute away from each other so why get a little gumbo and some Shepherd's pie?

Help

Dish may be irreverent most of the time but we do have a heart. The following is a list of local and national organizations accepting donations for the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. Many were reported by Ervin Dyer of the Post-Gazette:

Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund: 1-800-435-7669 or go to www.redcross.org.

The Pittsburgh Foundation: www.pittsburghfoundation.org.

United Way of Allegheny County: www.uwac.org

The Salvation Army of Western PA: Donors are advised to make checks payable to The Salvation Army and list "Katrina" in the memo section. They may be sent to the army's Western Pennsylvania Division, 424 Third Ave., Pittsburgh 15219.

Locally, the United Methodists also have been active in preparing and distributing health care and flood relief kits. The church's Committee on Relief has established a number for contributions: 1-800-554-8583.

The United Jewish Federation is accepting donations online at www.UJFpittsburgh.org or by check, payable to UJF Hurricane Katrina Disaster Relief, sent to United Jewish Federation, 234 McKee Place, Pittsburgh 15213.

Brother's Brother Foundation, a North Side-based charity that specializes in international relief, is sending 5,000 pairs of shoes and new clothing and hygiene items. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will help with the distribution. Donations to assist with shipping can be made by calling 412-321-3160, online at www.brothersbrother.org or by sending checks payable to the Brother's Brother Foundation to BBF/Hurricane Katrina, 1200 Galveston Ave., Pittsburgh 15233.

Catholic Charities USA, P.O. Box 25168, Alexandria, VA 22313-9788.

Byzantine Catholics of the Archeparchy of Pittsburgh: Checks should be made payable to the Archeparchy of Pittsburgh with the notation "Hurricane Katrina" and mailed to Byzantine Catholic Metropolitan Archeparchy of Pittsburgh, 66 Riverview Ave., Pittsburgh 15214.

Donations can be made online at www.pcusa.org/pda/donate/accounts.htm , or checks payable to the Presbyterian Church (USA) can be mailed to Presbyterian Church (USA), Individual Remittance Processing, P.O. Box 643700, Pittsburgh 15264-3700.

For other donating options, visit the Web site www.networkforgood.org/topics/animal_environ/hurricanes.

The Humane Society of the United States: www.hsus.org (Click on the banner located on our right sidebar).

Ruff nights

Charity, shaken not stirred.

Bark your calenders folks:

Local band Black Crash will perform at around 6:15 Friday night at Sports Rock in the Strip District (1400 Smallman St.). It's a benefit show for Animal Friends and their Bark in the Park event (Sun., August 28, North Park Skating Rink & Grounds). The benefit (held in the loft) runs from 5:30 to 8:30 pm. There will be dogs, drink specials and raffles.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Looking for a good cause and a good excuse to go to happy hour?

If so, get your tail down to Bossa Nova (7^th Street, Downtown) every Wednesday in September for Yappy Hour II.

From 6-8 p.m., a mere ten buck donation, made to proceed the Animal Rescue League, will get you cheap drinks, prizes, cheap drinks, complimentary massages and manicures, and cheap drinks.

So if alcohol isn’t enough of a good cause, get down there and help the city's orphaned animals.

Scoop by Katie Johnston

Images: The Art of Kelly Pound