Pittsburgh Dish

Drawn Out

Meet three of Pittsburgh's unsung heroes. They want to meet you.

"Big Nick" is burly, brawny and beefy. In his rolled-up sleeves, jaunty cap and Billy club-shaped boots, Big Nick is possibly the best casually dressed 11th letter of the alphabet. And the most visible. He is the overalled Charles Atlas of Parkway West.

The mighty man known as Nick signed a modeling contract for the Knickerbocker Russell construction company about 50 years ago. Just after WWII, Big Nick was the spokesman for the long-gone  Knickerbocker Company, which manufactured portable construction site heaters. According to Knickerbocker Russell service manager Mike Montani, owner Russell Keith, 83, drove around McKee's Rocks in an old station wagon selling the portable heaters. After Knickerbocker folded, Keith opened Knickerbocker Russell and saved Big Nick from extinction.

(Big Nick is not known to have an affiliation with the Village People, and if you find yourself singing "The Gay K K Took My Baby Away" you are not alone.)

"A. Ward" is a happy fellow. Being a loving cup, you'll have that.

Mr. Ward welcomes customers to the Pittsburgh Trophy Company on Penn. Avenue in the Strip. Joe Cioffe drew him in the summer of 1993 when he worked part-time at the store. Cioffe went on to become an illustrator for Disney. PTC was founded in 1974 by Bob and Mary Agnes Nellis and remains family-owned.

A. Ward is no relation to H. Ward.

Like Big Nick, "Thriftee" also fancies the letter K. The man fashioned out of pipes represents Keystone Plumbing on Brighton Road on the North Side as well as other locations. His headwear might have been the inspiration for the DEVO energy dome. A web search found Thriftee on a 1954 Keystone ad.

Thriftee models sweater vests in his spare time. It's cold being a pipe.

-With Halloween approaching, Mrs. Dish is vexed about a costume and thought of Big Nick as an option. So she decided to reprint this story first published in 2005.

Furries!

They have returned

THIS JUST IN: State Rep. Daryl Metcalfe, R-Cranberry, has announced that the Immigration and Naturalization Service and Local Religious Police are checking into the Furries' immigration status ("Real 'merkins ain't fuzzy," he says) and spiritual belief systems ("I was told that a guy in a bear outfit might be a Buddhist," he adds).

More news as developments warrant.

Furries, the people who like animals that are like people, are coming to town tomorrow for their annual convention, which the David L. Lawrence Convention Center has hosted for a few years running now.

On the surface, the sort of passionate love for anthropromorphized animals that would compel one to travel for a large convention of like-minded folk seems kind of odd, but it also sounds like a great deal of fun. Somewhere on this site the Furries describe how Pittsburgh's convention people wooed them. Very nice.

Dish overheard someone on the bus say that the Furries like to perform karaoke at a bar near the convention center. We missed the name of the establishment, but suspect that the place ought to be fairly easy to identify, what with the people dressed up like animals that have human qualities wailing "You Give Love a Bad Name" into the mic.

Welcome, Furries. Enjoy your stay.

Tribune-Review photo

Local flyboy caught with fly down

Dish headline wildly understates Moon Township co-pilot’s state of undress with air hostess

A Pinnacle (no lie) Airlines co-pilot from Moon (no lie) was found wearing only a wrist watch and flop flops in the woods on Sunday after an apparent flight of fancy among the flora and fauna.

Please read this story and tell Dish why this gentleman failed to re-attire himself before the long arm of the law ruined his efforts to nail a stewardess al fresco.

Read the Mr & Mrs. Dish's (un)coverage of Pinnacle here.

Local lesbians weathering new crush

KDKA-TV weather woman wonderful, they say

Valerie Abati joined KDKA-TV in September 2007. On New Year's Eve, sources informed Dish that she unwittingly joined with the hearts of Pittsburgh's lesbians shortly thereafter.

Dish takes no stance on Abati's sexuality, but one local lesbian (who, frankly, is enamored regardless) reports that this fearless forecaster is one fine femme and is adored by the Sapphic Sisters of Steeltown.

Abati delivers the weather during the KDKA-TV morning news, Pittsburgh Today Live and the noon newscast. She's a local gal, having grown up in Conneaut Lake (the northwestern Pennsylvania town, not the northwestern Pennsylvania body of water, which makes sense as she does not appear to have gills), and
earned her Bachelor of Science in Meteorology from Penn State.

Abati has talked isobars and fronts in Erie; Clarksburg, W.Va.; Chattanooga, Tenn.; and Cincinnati, Ohio. Her KDKA bio reports that:

"Two things Valerie loves are being active and trying new things. Her hobbies include volleyball, rollerblading, dance, and she's also taking golf and tennis lessons."

(Ed: Dish finds all these activities exhausting, preferring to supinely occupy sofa space.)

"Also," the bio continues, "she is very happy to be back in Steelers country."

Not as glad as certain gals who enjoy the company of gals are that you're here, Valerie.

It's not dish soap

It's Pittsburgh's latest gloss

Another upscale magazine will launch in August, joining the glossy ranks of Whirl, Shady Avenue and Pittsburgh Metropolitan. This newest entry into Pittsburgh lifestyle musings will be "pocket-sized," and "portable."

Vowing to cover "The New Pittsburgh," LUX promises "cutting-edge writing, fresh designs and hot images" between it's wee covers. Targeting Pittsburgh's "creative, dynamic professional crowd--an urban high energy group that knows what they like," the magazine claims it will be "the ulitimate guide to Pittsburgh." LUX will "hand deliver" over 20,000 copies to 300 locations.

Dish awaits their copy at Riggs.

You little weasel

Spaghetti-armed tyke tries to sink duck boat

In an unprovoked act of aggression Thursday, a youthful crewman of the USS Requin (the submarine moored at the North Side's Carnegie Science Center) attempted to scuttle the venerable orange member of the Just Ducky Tours fleet with what appears to be a snowball.

The duck boat's crew - an amalgam of tourists and prepubescents - reportedly responded to the salvo with a volley of quacks. The confrontation ended without casualties.

Just Ducky Tours co-owner and neighbor of Dish, Chris D'Addario, was reached for comment last night. He was not moved by the bellicose act.

"(The attacker) probably should have used an Icee Ball," D'Addario said. "He would have stood a better chance of sinking it."

Photo from the Post-Gazette. Click image for larger view.

Police push pilot program

Cops hope crime fighting website catches on

On March 8, Police and neighbors on Fleming Street on the North Side worked together to nab a thief, who struck a home while cops were en route to the location. A suspected was apprehended and neighbors identified him. Turned out the suspect was responsible for several unsolved copper pipe robberies in the area.

Neighbors were connected, shared information with each other and the police. All this happened at the scene, face-to-face, door-to-door. But neighbors two blocks over may not have heard about the crime or the arrest. Sometimes word-of-mouth isn't enough.

Watchful neighbors now have another tool to use to help keep their streets safe. Zone 1 police are using a St. Paul-based website called Citizen Observer, a site that sends out alerts, fugitive descriptions and crime prevention information. Registration is free.

"We are providing information that will include new ways to keep us all connected and informed and will help keep our community safer," the website reads.

Once registered, alerts can be received via email, fax, pager or cell phone. All tips are anonymous and no information is posted that could jeopardize a case.

Zone 1 is the pilot station for the crime fighting website, which was launched on Feb 23. Funding was provided through the North Side Leadership Council as well as a host of banks. If successful, the program may go citywide.

"Our goal is to get all of the North Side registered on this site," said Officer Forrest Hodges, who is the community relations/crime prevention officer for the North Side. "You never know when you can help a neighbor." Hodges attends several neighborhood safety meetings per week and is plugged into North Side Block Watch campaigns and community groups.

While Hodges doesn't know how many residents have signed up yet, he said the program is "going very well."

 

How cold is it?

Burrgh advice

by Bernadette Sukley

It's so cold ...

... that if you spit over the top of the Cath of Learning, (not at all suggesting you should) it would become ice crystals long before it hit the ground or Dean Kroboth's head.

... that if you had a choice between frost bite and a dog bite--you'd pick the dog.

... that if you make a face, it'll freeze that way. Seriously, it will. Don't do it.

... that if Jeff Reed kicked a field goal, the ball would shatter into a million pieces and ... no that's just too painful to contemplate right now.

There are two words that can get you killed easily on the streets of Pittsburgh (besides Go Patriots!): global warming. Sure, temperatures have risen at an alarming rate since 1750, but now right now it's a myth. Until the strangely balmy weather returns, this is a cold snap that may break the will of many a weather-hardened citizen.

Here's how to cope:

Don't drink (booze). It doesn't warm you up. That's also a myth. Hooch opens up surface blood vessels, which means more surface area and blood therein exposed to frigid air. The result, a happy, but dangerously chilly you.

Wear a hat. Simple, but sound advice, about 50-percent of the body's warmth escapes from an uncovered head. And bald men are more at risk for that type of heat loss. The I'm-going-bald-so-I'll-shave-my-head-anyway haircut will just have to wait.

Keep everything covered. No outdoor pole dancing. And remember the sign "bridge freezes before road?" That applies to the rings & things from body piercings. Temporary removal of ear, nose, eyebrow, navel, and er, nipple rings will decrease chances of having a crater-like scar after the docs at UPMC have to chip away all the dead, frozen skin.

All hands on deck

Pittsburgh card club wants you

Let's play cards. And not Texas Hold 'Em, like Jennifer Tilly and all the whippersnapper kids are doing these days. No, we're talking about the Grand Dame of the Card Games, euchre.

The name "euchre" may come from the old French game of "jucker" (referring to the joker in the deck), a game that may or may not date back the French revolution of 1789. Or it may come from the game of "Ecarte", named and popularized locally by the Pennsylvania Dutch. Who cares, really. The Spanish played a similar game, too -- they called it Triumph, while the Germans called it Juckerspiel.

More than you wanted to know, probably. Well, tough:

Back when French and German immigrants were flooding upon our shores, euchre was more popular in America than was poker, which was limited to the Old West and the riverboat casinos of the day. Meanwhile, the once-popular card game called "Whist" was fading. (Eventually, "whist" morphed into bridge, though some devotees in Europe still play whist by the original rules.)

Euchre's popularity in the rest of the English-speaking world can be partly attributed the U.S. Navy, it has been said, and eventually euchre was a popular game among all U.S. military branches. In Pennsylvania, the theory goes, the game was spread by the Pennsylvania Dutch and German immigrants. In the Midwest, the game migrated upstream, from French-speaking New Orleans up the Ohio River Valley.

However it spread, only pockets of North American players remain, many of them in the Midwest, a few of them in Pennsylvania and New York, and a few more in Ontario. Why it declined in popularity is hard to say.

But to hell with everybody else. Let's play some cards. Our tiny euchre group is seeking members -- we meet on the second Thursday of each month. Contact Bill at william_toland@yahoo.com for details.

Stuff we missed

Dish a day late and a dollar short on the holidays' news.

Dish sees that Pittsburgh's Premier Porno Palace may not be long for  this world. Yes, the venerable Garden Theater, where a few bucks  admission will get you that big screen adult film experience you expect and that anonymous genital grope you've been hoping for, is running out of time to be the big sticking point in the renewal of  the North Side's Federal/North corridor.

Sayeth the Commonwealth's Supreme Court, "Verily, the City of Pittsburgh may taketh thine den of sin and transformeth it into a Starbucks or some such. Lo, the humble wanker must now invest in a DVD player in order to be inspired to rub himself the right way. Dish has been unable to verify that the dairy aisle of the Cedar Avenue Giant Eagle will be named the new favored cruising spot, apparently narrowly beating out the shrubbery near the Andean Condor's cage at the National Aviary.

Of course Dish understands that the U.S. Supreme Court may hear the Garden's appeal. Here's hoping it doesn't as Justice Clarence Thomas has a soft spot for hardcore.

Franco, Franco, take that decrepit bar and make us some good food.

Former Steelers running back and fortified donut magnate Franco Harris is charging headlong into his Mediterranean restaurant venture, to be sited at the intersection of the aforementioned Federal and North (pictured right). The Hall of Fame ball hauler hopes to have the victuals flying by late Spring. Godspeed, Franco. May you make Immaculate Appetizers and estimable entrees before the Pirates embark on their 15th consecutive losing season.

Coach Cowher Cwitter.

Apparently, Mr. Cowher is miffed that the Rooney family doesn't want to pay him Mike Holmgren money even though his Steelers defeated the Craig Stadler look-alike's Seahawks in Super Bowl XL. To North Carolina with you, then, coach. May you healthfully bask in the moderate climes of Raleigh, enjoy your youngest daughter's remaining high school years, return to the NFL in two years' time with the Washington Redskins at $10 million per annum and enjoy moderate success (though never against the Steelers).

Thanks for the Super Bowl memories, Coach. Thanks for the chin, spittle, and mustache.