Pittsburgh Dish

Fowl hat unearthed

Owner seeks help identifying mysterious chicken chapeau.

Update: Ace Post-Gazette reporter cracks the case.

From Bill Toland:

It's called the Rooster Booster, I believe. At least, that's what I've always called it. Yes, it was Steeler-related, or so I'm told. It's probably worth $600-$700 on eBay.

Just kidding, it's not worth a sack of splinters on eBay. But the Rooster Booster part, I think, is more or less accurate.

Dear Dish,

I was cleaning out a closet (and found R. Kelly! Unreal!) and came across this hat that I know was from my childhood in the 70s. It doesn't specifically say Steelers on it anywhere, but it clearly must have had something to do with sports back then. But beer and smoke have clouded my memories of childhood, so if anyone remembers what the hell a chicken wool cap is for, I'd be appreciative.

Thank you,

Patrick [photographer, i heart pgh scribe and owner of baffling chicken hat]

Study says prayer doesn't work

It cost researchers $2.4 million to discover that asking God (in photo) for help doesn't help. They could've asked Penguins fans for free.

Long-Awaited Medical Study Questions the Power of Prayer

By Benedict Carey, New York Times

Prayers offered by strangers had no effect on the recovery of people who were undergoing heart surgery, a large and long-awaited study has found.

And patients who knew they were being prayed for had a higher rate of post-operative complications like abnormal heart rhythms, perhaps because of the expectations the prayers created, the researchers suggested.

Because it is the most scientifically rigorous investigation of whether prayer can heal illness, the study, begun almost a decade ago and involving more than 1,800 patients, has for years been the subject of speculation.

The question has been a contentious one among researchers. Proponents have argued that prayer is perhaps the most deeply human response to disease, and that it may relieve suffering by some mechanism that is not yet understood. Skeptics have contended that studying prayer is a waste of money and that it presupposes supernatural intervention, putting it by definition beyond the reach of science.

At least 10 studies of the effects of prayer have been carried out in the last six years, with mixed results. The new study was intended to overcome flaws in the earlier investigations. The report was scheduled to appear in The American Heart Journal next week, but the journal's publisher released it online yesterday.

In a hurriedly convened news conference, the study's authors, led by Dr. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist and director of the Mind/Body Medical Institute near Boston, said that the findings were not the last word on the effects of so-called intercessory prayer. But the results, they said, raised questions about how and whether patients should be told that prayers were being offered for them.

"One conclusion from this is that the role of awareness of prayer should be studied further," said Dr. Charles Bethea, a cardiologist at Integris Baptist Medical Center in Oklahoma City and a co-author of the study.

Other experts said the study underscored the question of whether prayer was an appropriate subject for scientific study.

"The problem with studying religion scientifically is that you do violence to the phenomenon by reducing it to basic elements that can be quantified, and that makes for bad science and bad religion," said Dr. Richard Sloan, a professor of behavioral medicine at Columbia and author of a forthcoming book, "Blind Faith: The Unholy Alliance of Religion and Medicine."

The study cost $2.4 million, and most of the money came from the John Templeton Foundation, which supports research into spirituality. The government has spent more than $2.3 million on prayer research since 2000.

Dean Marek, a chaplain at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and a co-author of the report, said the study said nothing about the power of personal prayer or about prayers for family members and friends.

Working in a large medical center like Mayo, Mr. Marek said, "You hear tons of stories about the power of prayer, and I don't doubt them."

In the study, the researchers monitored 1,802 patients at six hospitals who received coronary bypass surgery, in which doctors reroute circulation around a clogged vein or artery.

The patients were broken into three groups. Two were prayed for; the third was not. Half the patients who received the prayers were told that they were being prayed for; half were told that they might or might not receive prayers.

The researchers asked the members of three congregations — St. Paul's Monastery in St. Paul; the Community of Teresian Carmelites in Worcester, Mass.; and Silent Unity, a Missouri prayer ministry near Kansas City — to deliver the prayers, using the patients' first names and the first initials of their last names.

The congregations were told that they could pray in their own ways, but they were instructed to include the phrase, "for a successful surgery with a quick, healthy recovery and no complications."

Analyzing complications in the 30 days after the operations, the researchers found no differences between those patients who were prayed for and those who were not.

In another of the study's findings, a significantly higher number of the patients who knew that they were being prayed for — 59 percent — suffered complications, compared with 51 percent of those who were uncertain. The authors left open the possibility that this was a chance finding. But they said that being aware of the strangers' prayers also may have caused some of the patients a kind of performance anxiety.

"It may have made them uncertain, wondering am I so sick they had to call in their prayer team?" Dr. Bethea said.

The study also found that more patients in the uninformed prayer group — 18 percent — suffered major complications, like heart attack or stroke, compared with 13 percent in the group that did not receive prayers. In their report, the researchers suggested that this finding might also be a result of chance.

One reason the study was so widely anticipated was that it was led by Dr. Benson, who in his work has emphasized the soothing power of personal prayer and meditation.

At least one earlier study found lower complication rates in patients who received intercessory prayers; others found no difference. A 1997 study at the University of New Mexico, involving 40 alcoholics in rehabilitation, found that the men and women who knew they were being prayed for actually fared worse.

The new study was rigorously designed to avoid problems like the ones that came up in the earlier studies. But experts said the study could not overcome perhaps the largest obstacle to prayer study: the unknown amount of prayer each person received from friends, families, and congregations around the world who pray daily for the sick and dying.

Bob Barth, the spiritual director of Silent Unity, the Missouri prayer ministry, said the findings would not affect the ministry's mission.

"A person of faith would say that this study is interesting," Mr. Barth said, "but we've been praying a long time and we've seen prayer work, we know it works, and the research on prayer and spirituality is just getting started."

Squirrels to blame for Dishconnect

By Leo Tolstoy, Bennett Serf and Jacqueline Susann, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Two "frisky" squirrels playing too close to a transformer were blamed for knocking out power to one customer in the North Side today.

A Duquesne Light Co. spokesman said the outage occurred about 9:05 a.m. when wires fell at or near the intersection of Buena Vista Street and Sampsonia Way. He said the squirrels caused the transformer to short, which sent out a fault current, which caused wires to break.

As a result, members of Dish HQ were forced to use back-up carrier pigeons to transmit data but as of 2:30 p.m. the pigeons have not returned.

Trees added to list of city threats

Reporter Mark Weimer gets to the root cause.

The typical problems of economic disparity, Homewood, Gibson Green, and the New England Patriots are simply not the only forces posed against a gasping city. According to the Post-Gazette, the city forester requested over $250,000 to exorcise roughly 3,100 trees, 198 of which are “dangerous”.

After counting every street tree in the city, a volunteer commission “diagnosed” the conditions of each and listed needs, which tops the health insurance of many downtown residents.

There have been no reports of tree gangs in the Pittsburgh area.

The understood 0 tolerance for tree aggression has been very effective in stopping mischievous tree behavior. Some feel that wiping out 10 percent of Pittsburgh’s trees is excessive, as not only are the trees in question non-violent, but they are also a functional part of nature. Despite these feelings, interest in the necessity and functionality of trees existence was not taken into serious consideration. Another study was brought forward illustrating how areas with more trees have lower human crime rates.

Perhaps the greatest upside of trees is their ability to absorb water, shade areas, filter air, provide oxygen, provide a habitat, and be aesthetically pleasing. In Pittsburgh’s best interest, trees work free of charge.

Due to lack of communication with our leafy symbiotic brothers, the city council has exploited the failure of the Arbor Day beneficiaries to ask for pay.

Although dubbed “a constituency without lobbying power,” it is difficult to place trees in the political spectrum. There have been no legal efforts by trees, but several human-founded organizations attempt to represent such interests.

When questioned about a range of subjects, the trees had no response. One can only hope that killing 3,100 trees is the right course of action, which will surely lower any potential for aggression by our stationary delinquents in nature. The city will seek help from the state in order to kill Pittsburgh’s free laborers. A timetable has not been established.

Photo: A North Side menace.

If it ain't nailed down

Last week, many odd items were swiped from many odd places. The following is a round-up of thievery in Western PA culled from area blotters, along with Dish's theories as to motive:

Hempfield Township

Theft from a motor vehicle, a car radio taken from Melanie Shearer's truck at the West Penn junk yard. Hey, Car Talk was on.

Burglary and theft, extension cords and five-gallon gas can from shed belonging to Kathleen Giles, of Swede Hill Road. The thief was once a potential contestant on Let's Make a Deal and lost when he couldn't provide extension cords and a five-gallon gas can.

Retail theft, 23 candles stolen from Bath & Body Works in Westmoreland Mall. Loss set at $598. According to math, the average cost of each candle is $26. B & B claims they can charge that much because they claim they smell really really good.

State police arrested a man and a woman Wednesday accused of stealing a donation can from a countertop at the Panera Bread restaurant intended to benefit a Uniontown juvenile cancer patient. Stealing "bread" from a bread and coffee restaurant. A bold blend of stupidity and sensibility.

Theft, two empty cremation urns from viewing area at mausoleum in Westmoreland County Memorial Park. The perpetrator placed them Giant Eagle blue bags and headed to the nearest recycling center. Hopes were dashed when the urns didn't fit in the little holes.

Westmoreland County

Theft, 40 scrap bronze cemetery marks from outside maintenance shed at Westmoreland County Memorial Park. With Halloween approaching the culprit has to outdo his neighbor Stan who last year placed an honest-to- goodness coffin on his front lawn.

Trib reporter wussed out

An unidentified Trib reporter lost out on fame, fortune and the opportunity to stay in an awesome pad Tuesday after he arrived at a casting call for MTV's "The Real World" only to find a really long line.

The reporter allegedly intended to get all Gonzo on our ass with a first-hand account of the event but wussed out when the line snaked out the door and around the block.

"He wanted to participate in the event but the line was too long so he left," said a source close to MTV.

Bunim/Murray Productions, producers of the show, held a casting call at Bommerang's Bar & Grill in Oakland between 10 a.m. and 5 p.m. According to B/M an estimated 700 young adults with big dreams and nothing to do applied in person. At press time, the number of callbacks is unknown. Viewers will have to sit on pins and needles to see if a plucky Pittsburgher will sit on an IKEA couch all day and party like a rock star all night.

And because the Trib reporter wussed out, an important slice of Pittsburgh history is forever lost. We will never know what it was like to feel the tension, the exhilaration, the cutthroat competition and the awesomeness of an MTV casting call.

Photo: Applicants lean against building to fill out applications.

UPDATE JANUARY, 23 2008: MTV casts net again

Parenting skills lifted to new heights

An "accident" turns into a morbid version of Chutes & Ladders. Wheeeeeeee!

From yesterday's P-G by reporter M. Ferguson Tinsley:

A woman told police the vandalism of 34 headstones in a North Versailles cemetery began when her 5-year-old daughter accidentally pushed one over and toppling them became a game.

North Versailles police on Sunday charged Lisa J. Ly, 36, of Duquesne, with desecration of venerated objects, corruption of a minor, theft and other charges in connection with the July 24 incident at Grandview Cemetery. Ly was in the Allegheny County Jail yesterday on $3,000 bail.

[Assistant Police Chief Steve] Latsko said during questioning, Ly admitted to upending the headstones in July. "She said it was an accident at first," Latsko said. Ly claimed that her daughter knocked over the first stone, Latsko said, "then she said they started playing and pushing over more stones."

The family often walked through local cemeteries picking up small statues, decorative vases and other items from graves, he said. "[Ly] said she would take them for her daughter because she liked the little figurines."

Dish wonders if mom's flimsy excuse will hold up in court. Flimsy we say? Considering it took about six beefy guys to lift the toppled gravestones (see photo) and she claims her 5 year-old pushed them over, well, that's a bit thin. Perhaps Ly can prove her innocence by having her daughter bench press the bench?

If not there's always the Twinkie defense.

Photo by Steve Mellon, Post-Gazette

Stick 'em up

We're trashy.

People, including yourself, read Pittsburgh Dish. Dish wants more people to read Dish so that Dish can charge advertisers more to advertise on Dish (Get in on the ground floor, people. Special introductory rate still available. $50 a month, three-month minimum? Small money, indeed, to reach such a bright and influential audience. And a rather pretty one as well, Dish must add. Don't blush, you're a vision of loveliness). Being wily, Dish thought: Dish should promote Dish. What did Dish do? Dish did this: Have graphic designer chum Kyle (please patronize Kyle's business, smartpilldesign.com, for all your design needs) print up a bunch of Dish stickers. Dish handed the Dish stickers out at Dish's August launch party. Many people took Dish stickers and stuck them hither and yon. They like Dish.

Well, apparently an afDISHionado thought the ATMs and trash cans of Shadyside were primed for Dish love and stuck Dish stickers here and there. At least one Shadysidian was displeased.

Email exchange with Shadyside resident:

Dear Editor: I wanted to ask you to stop putting your stickers on the trash cans and atm's in Shadyside. We're trying to keep the neighborhood clean, and would appreciate your help. There are many other ways for you to advertise, and we hope that you'll go those routes.

Many thanks.--S

Dish responds:

We appreciate your concern, but we didn't put them there. Others have access to our stickers as well. --Joe, Pittsburgh Dish

That's good to know. But are there other legitimate uses for the stickers or are they just passed out randomly?

P.S. Is there a name associated with "editor?" --S

I can't say I'm sure what you mean by "other legitimate uses." Our names are listed on the about page of the website. Joe Miksch and Colleen Van Tassell. --Joe

What I meant is: What are the uses for the stickers? And who has access to them? So far I've only seen them on trash cans and atm's. If there are internal uses, that's all to the good. I just hate to see them plastered on other peoples' private property. --S

End of transmission. So far.

Dish understands. Dish doesn't want to deface. Yet, Dish wonders if Concerned Citizen of Shadyside  (CCS) calls, emails, nettles every rock band or garage sale haver that dare post in his bailiwick. Dish can control the weather, the outcome of New York-Penn League baseball games, the tides, squirrels and, on occasion, NASDAQ. Dish cannot control where Dish stickers are placed. And, not for nothin', but Dish wonders what Shadyside's Mr. Clean means by the "purpose" of Dish stickers. To cure irritable bowel syndrome, of course.

In short, while Dish empathizes (oh, scratch that. let's go with "semi-gives-a-toss"), Dish can do no more than chide illicit Dish sticker stickers. Tsk, tsk. And let's not forget: If Dish stickers are outlawed, only outlaws will have Dish stickers.

P.S. Contact Dish at editor@pittsburghdish.com for free stickers.

Frankly Ridiculous

Not even the Man Upstairs can fend of ferocious Florida frank mongers.

Hot Dogma (325 Oliver Ave., 412-328-0322), a small hot dog emporium located in the basement of Trinity Cathedral received word today that a Miami hotdog restaurant will haul them into Federal Court unless the Pittsburgh shop changes its name.

Tim Tobitsch, 24, the owner of Hog Dogma, is under legal siege by a South Florida business called Dogma Grill over legal rights to the name. Dogma Grill lawyers claim potential consumer confusion that the two are related and contend the owner has a trademark for the word dogma in the food industry.

"We're as small as a restaurant can get," said Tobitsch. "I don't know what they stand to gain from this."

According to the Miami Herald, David Tunnell, owner of Dogma Grill, is a former MTV executive. Hot Dogma is owned by two Grove City College friends and was opened on a shoestring budget. They have been opened for about 10 months.

Dogma Grill boasts raves from Bon Appetite but Hot Dogma may have something more valuable than a glowing review. Tobitsch said lawyers from the powerful law firm Kirkpatrick and Lockhart have offered to represent him pro bono. K & L lawyers are frequent customers, he said.

"We're grateful for that, otherwise lawyer's fees could put us out of business."

For now Hot Dogma will stand firm, just like their all-beef franks.

Tunnell did not return calls.

__________________________________________________________________________________

In related (and happier) news, HD has introduced The Buffalo, an all-beef frank with Frank's Hot Sauce and blue cheese dressing. For the Steeler season, HD will serve up The Rothlisfurter, a beefy dog topped with horseradish, black olives and banana peppers (a creative culinary nod to black & gold). Until the end of the month, HD will offer a free fruit drink with The Buffalo.

Scoop urges Pittsburgh to support their local frank and to boycott the entire Sunshine State.

Breaking News!

Pay phone actually used.

Dish's suburban correspondent reports that a young person not involved in, say, the drug trade was seen operating a coin-operated pay telephone at IKEA yesterday.

What was most unusual was that this young woman, persumably in her late teens or early 20s, did not endeavor to remove the archaic device from the wall, sit down in the little IKEA restaurantlet and yammer away about nothing in particular to a friend for an exhausting period of time. Rather, she lifted the part attached to that cord that you talk into which Dish believes may be called the "handset," deposited her "change" into the slot, pushed the non-illuminated and, for her probably stunningly large number-bearing buttons and quickly and quietly completed the call without incident.

The whereabouts of her cellular telephone remain, at this point, unknown. More on this alarming topic as conditions warrant.

Style File: Mane lining

Attention Pittsburgh: There is a plague crippling our fair metropolis. It can be seen from the shores of the Mon to the top of Mount Lebanon. From the North Side to Oakland and at every bus stop in between.

This evil, this menace to all that is good and holy is....The Scrunchie. Yes, the scrunchie. Those repugnant elastic bands covered with fabric made famous by late 80s/early 90s teens, tramps and Linda Evans.

Why, oh why, won't they go away?

Shoulder pads slipped off, leggings kicked the bucket, charm necklaces high-tailed it out of Great Neck. Hell, Madonna stopped grabbing her cooch. Yet why do Pittsburgh women still fancy these things? Nostalgia? Is it similar to the inexplicable attachment to the bi-level haircut favored by carnies and guys from New Jersey?

Why, oh why, are woman still taking fashion cues from Elaine Bennis and Crystal Bernard? Why are the gay men of Pittsburgh allowing this?

Deep breaths.

Now it is said--as proven by statistical data and pot smokers--that Twinkies and Sno Balls have a shelf life of 10 years, possibly more. Cans of beans have expiration dates preferred by nutbags awaiting Armageddon. But somehow the hair scrunchie seems to possess prolongation properties similar to those of the interminable cockroach.

Who or what is to blame for this wrong-headed preservation? You're not going to like the answer, my friends. I blame this scrunchie epidemic on...The Steelers.

That's right. Your beloved hometown team. The Black & Gold.

Exhibit A: Any Steelers catalog. There it is, wedged between the tube top and panty brief: The Steeler Scrunchie (listed for $4.89, reduced from $6.99). Shame on you Steelers. Not only are you suborning poor taste, your doing so on sale. And as long as NFL merchandizing big wigs continue to offer these malevolent mane tethers, the good ladies of Pittsburgh will never topple this beehive of bad taste.

Quoth Susan Power: “Stop the Insanity!” (And she wore scrunchies.)

Gals of Pittsburgh I beseech thee: Are we not are sending the wrong message to our girls? Must we unite and declare war against The Steel Curtain? Or will we be forever shamed when an"I Love the 80s" film crew sets up on Grant Street?

Learn. I did. The hard way.

Until the age of 19 I was a scrunchie addict. I believed that no other hair band could grip my impossible amount of hair. I was wrong. But I needed to hear the words.

In the most polite and discreet way, my roommates alerted me to my abhorrent fashion sense. In unison they decried:

"Dude, get that nasty-ass thing out of your hair."

-Katie Johnston (with Colleen Van Tassell) with apologies to Jody DiPerna.

Art Alley

About a half of a city block separates Dish offices from the Mattress Factory museum of contemporary art. And in those few steps, those 40 paces or so, you'll meet Martians, old neighbors and hit-and-run artists.

"What Remains" at 516 Sampsonia Way is an installation by Ruth Sanford. Who remains are names of people who lived in this row house circa 1900.

Mr. and Mrs. Holmes, very nice to meet you. Mrs. H., Rick Santorum would've loved you.

A young fellow stapeled this thingamafish and ran off. He'll be thrilled to know that we stared at it for quite a while asking, "what the hell is it?"

Love Us or Rebus

.

Just how do unsuspecting web surfers happen upon this little rag? Oftentimes (according to our stats file) many poor unfortunates stumble onto Pittsburgh Dish via Google (no really we show up really we do).

But what Dish finds quite amusing (and bizarre) is learning what search criteria creeps out into the electronic wilderness and finds us chuckleheads

Illuminate Us

Is this your great Aunt Dorothea and great Uncle Max? Pittsburgh Dish needs your help in identifying this mysterious couple.

This lampshade was purchased from Who New?, a retro home furnishings store in Lawrenceville (it was the only splurge, as Dish bought the thing for way, way more than one would expect to pay for a lampshade featuring an image of strangers. Or family. Especially family.) We also got a photo to match. A lovely package deal.

On the off chance that anyone out there in Dishland recognizes the fine folks screened onto our shade, let us know. In the unlikely event it can be proven that these folks are your folks, you not only win the lampshade and the photo, but also a lifetime subscripton to Dish.