Pittsburgh Dish

From the Dish health desk

Man, we didn't even know this was such a problem

Dish gets press releases. We like them, as such releases occasionally contain information Dish can use as a springboard for an interesting little tale on Dish. To wit, this news-rich missive from the Allegheny County Health Department:

For Release: Tuesday, June 19, 2007

HEALTH DEPT. OFFERS FREE HANDWASHING SIGNS FOR PETTING ZOOS

How to Enjoy Petting Zoos Without Getting Sick

Summer fairs and festivals can get free handwashing signs from the Allegheny County Health Department for their petting zoos and farm animal exhibits.

These attractions are a tradition at many community events held every summer and can be a lot of fun and very educational, but children and adults alike should always remember to wash their hands after exiting such exhibits,” said County Health Director Dr. Bruce W. Dixon.

The risk of contracting diseases that animals can sometimes carry, such as E. coli, Salmonella and a number of other infections, is significantly reduced by the simple act of handwashing.

Events with petting zoos can obtain the free handwashing signs by calling the Allegheny County Health Department at 412-687-ACHD or by downloading them from the Health Department’s web site,

Health officials suggest these tips on how to enjoy petting zoos without getting sick:

*Don’t kiss the animals and limit your contact with them and the surroundings, such as fencing, stalls and gates, because manure may be present on their body and in their environment.

*Supervise young children and advise them to keep their hands out of their mouths

*Don’t take food or drink into the animal area.

*Wash your hands as soon as you exit the animal area, and help young children wash their hands properly. Washing with soap and warm water is best; use antibacterial towelettes or lotion if handwashing facilities are not available.

*Clean your shoes when you return home and after doing so wash your hands.

*Call your doctor if you or your children get sick with stomach cramps, vomiting or diarrhea within a week of visiting a petting zoo. Tell the doctor you were around farm animals.

Sound advice. Interstingly, the health department gives the exact same advice to those forced to visit the agency's Oakland offices.

On a side note, the above release takes Mr. Dish on a lovely jaunt down memory lane. Years ago, Mr. Dish was a cub reporter for a daily newspaper. Being green, he pulled a weekend shift and was required to undertake one of those legendarily horrid assignments: The county fair.

Mr. Dish ambled around the fairgrounds and, as he passed the petting zoo, saw a piglet take a running charge at the fence enclosing the petting zoo. The piglet wedged his piggy head in the chicken wire. Being a hero, Mr. Dish compressed the piglet's noggin (ever so slightly) and pushed the li'l porker to freedom.

Mr. Dish did not was his hands. Which was just as well considering what was about to happen.

Around the corner from the petting zoo, a woman was preparing her Nubian goat for show. The goat stood atop four five-gallon buckets, a hoof on each. The woman was applying black liquid shoe polish to the hooves. Mr. Dish struck up a conversation about goat husbandry and the ins and outs of goat showing. As the conversation proceeded, the woman reached into a bucket of water and pulled out a rag. She wrung out the rag.

Then she cleaned the goat's anus. She repeated this act several times.

The conversation finished and Mr. Dish prepared to split to go get a corndog or something. "Thanks, ma'am," he said. "You're welcome," replied the woman, who then held out her goat anus-washing hand. She wanted to shake hands. Mr. Dish did not want to do so. Yet, he did.

Mr. Dish then discovered just how hard it is to find a sink and soap at the county fairground.

On another assignment, Mr. Dish saw a bichon sniff a goat's anus. No one had cleaned the goat's anus and the dog failed to follow any of the health department's advice.

Billy the Kid tops kid mayor

Garden marquee turf war afoot
Photo by Frank Kownacki. Click for larger view

Mayor Luke Ravenstahl, boy wonder of the world, was to have top billing on the Garden Theater marquee, thanks to his single-handed handiwork in the demise of the house of porn, according to some.

Luke's glory was shot down this week by Billy the Kid, who's rootin' tootin' life will be played out by Quantum Theatre in June.

Dish is investigating rumors that Mayor Luke Ravenstahl has ordered the exhumation of the Old West outlaw in order to, as Ravenstahl put it, “Tattoo my name on his decomposed rump.”*

*Quote may be entirely fictional.

......................................................................................................

Quantum Theatre

The Collected Works of Billy the Kid
Adapted from Michael Ondaatje’s award-winning book of poems and directed by Dan Jemmett

June 14 – July 1. Opening and Press Night: June 15.
Performances: Wednesdays-Fridays at 8 p.m.; Saturdays at 5:30 & 9; Sundays at 7 p.m.

The Garden Theatre
12 W. North Ave., on the corner of W. North Ave. and Federal St., North Side

Tickets: $25 Wednesdays & Sundays; $28 Thursdays & Fridays; $30 Saturdays; plus a limited number of $15 student tickets. Call 412-394-3353 or visit www.proartstickets.org

Ha Ha

Connecticut (except for Bridgeport) looks like a Currier & Ives postcard today as a winter blast is burying New England under snow and ice this weekend. Pittsburgh's storm today is wussy.

Photo taken in New Haven, Conn., by Kathleen Cei

Update!

Kathleen Cei's report from the 11th floor of 900 Chapel Street:

White out conditions! I repeat white out conditions! Over! Do you copy? 10-4 good buddy! As you can see, the New Haven “Green” is “white.”

Mayor assesses Convention Center

Risks life and limb in twisted steel   

Nah, he just sent in some Browns fans and a pushy New Yorker:

From the Post-Gazette:

Preliminary results of an independent review of the David L. Lawrence Convention Center shows the building is safe, Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl said this morning.

The review was conducted by Wiss, Janney, Elstner Associates of Cleveland and Leslie E. Robertson Associates of New York.

A decision? You bet!

The Gaming Control Board's about to make the call. What are the odds?

UPDATE: We were totally wrong. It's PITG. Still, read our predictions. They are marginally amusing.

We'll tell you. At this late date, within an hour of the GCB's announcement, Dish has obtained the odds, freshly posted in Vegas, for each of the three contenders hoping to make serious bank off the citizens of Pittsburgh and its environs.

Pull that lever and hope for three bars.

Forest City Enterprises (the Station Square proposal):
About that of a one-legged man winning an ass kicking contest.

PITG Gaming (the North Shore folk):
Equivalent to a snowball maintaining its frosty integrity within the less-than-chummy confines of the sulfurous pit known as Clairton. Just kidding, Hell.

Isle of Capri (Mario Lemieux's last hope to become a multi-multi-multi-millionaire rather than just a run-of-the-mill multimillionaire):
Nick Perryesque. In the neighborhood of the Pennsylvania Lottery coming up 666 on April 24, 1980.

News Analysis: Keep it in your pants, Lt. Weeniewagger

It's wrong to get drunk and pummel people (who aren't Ravens fans) at Steelers games, even if you are functionally dimwitted.

Lt. Martin Sanders Jr. is in deep kimchee.

The Pittsburgh firefighter was arrested Oct. 15 at Heinz Field during the Steelers/Chiefs tilt after displaying his majestic fire hose d'amour to a concession stand employee and engaging in fisticuffs with several stadium employees, cops, etc. as he was being escorted out of the arena. He faces charges of aggravated assault, a felony, as well as simple assault, indecent exposure, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. If convicted of the felony charge, Sanders will be canned.

Dish, consistent with its mission to be the most helpfulest online newspaper in the entire known universe, will endeavor to set forth guidelines that will assist you, reader, in avoiding Sanders ignominious fate.

The Cardinal Rule: When drinking, it's important to either retain enough of one's sensibility to recognize that displaying your hang-low in public and punching random strangers is not a good idea or to down so much booze that you black out and are rendered harmless. There is no middle ground. Consequences of disobeying The Cardinal Rule:

Do you realize that your mom has to face those gossiping harpies at church? Do you?

People might begin to suspect you have a drinking problem, which not only will be a blight on your reputation but could result in your being sent to rehab. They don't have IC Light in those places.

You could ruin things for the rest of us. The Steelers could stop selling beer at halftime, jerkwheat.

Daycare centers will be reluctant to hire you after you get canned from your firefighting job as you have demonstrated a propensity to display your twig and berries to those who have no interest in them.

You will be the object of derision wherever you go. People don't forget this kind of stuff. Might as well sew a scarlet "WW" on your clothes, weenie wagger.

Art Rooney Sr. just shed a tear in heaven.

Photo below found here.

Jude Law in town

Young Brit seen in clutches of young brat last night.

British actor Jude Law was seen on the set of "Mysteries of Pittsburgh" last night. Law was visiting his on-again off-again girlfriend Sienna Miller who has been in town shooting the film, which also stars Peter Sarsgaard and Nick Nolte. Law arrived in Pittsburgh yesterday, sources said.

The couple was spotted while filming at a house in the upscale suburb of Sewickley, home to hockey legend Mario Lemieux as well as former Steeler and Republican gubernatorial candidate Lynn Swann.

"I was just standing there when I saw this couple walk toward me," one female source said. "I probably wouldn't have noticed it was him but when Sienna saw me, she grabbed his arm tight like a jealous high school girlfriend." Law and the 24-year-old actress grabbed tabloid headlines after Law dumped Miller for his children's nanny.

Miller, who called the Burgh "Shitsburgh" in a recent Rolling Stone article and was tossed out of a South Side bar last week, has been "stomping around and swearing like a truck driver" on set. She was told to pipe down during a shoot with children, sources said. Last week, Miller passed on using a g-string while shooting a love scene, a rarity among actors.

More bad behavior is anticipated next week when Miller will be filmed in an outdoor swimming pool. Weather is expected to be in the 30s.

Spurned, burnt and rebuffed

Sienna Miller bares more than her feelings towards the Burgh.

While Crayola decided to keep burnt sienna in it's colorful little box, the poop-on-Pittsburgh actress Sienna Miller wasn't so lucky.

The actress was booted out of Young's Tavern over the weekend because she didn't have ID. Apparently her Norma Desmond "Don't you know who I am!?" bologna didn't empress the bouncer who bounced the blonde to the curb. It's not the first time Pittsburgh has shown great deference toward Hollywood types. This summer, talk show host Jimmy Kimmel was denied a seat on a Just Ducky tour, though he refrained from throwing a hissy fit.

Wait, that's not all folks.

In exclusive Sienna news (moronic sounding we know), sources say Miller also rebuffed donning a g-string and other coverups during a love scene last week. Usually, actors are not completely in the buff during nude scenes, said the source. "Most of the time they wear either a g-string or something flesh-colored to cover their privates. They prefer it. It's very rare than an actor does this."

Apparently those on set didn't appreciate the actress's raw sanctitude. 'Buff said.

Filming ends Oct. 20.

Will her shenanigans?

Wanted: Local talent

Bring out your dead.

Do you fancy fake blood? The producers of Something to Be Desired, an ongoing web-based series filmed in Pittsburgh, are looking for a few good ghouls. The group is filming a Halloween-themed episode on Sun., Oct 15 and Sun. Oct 22 in Bellevue, and they require zombies. Since Pittsburgh is the capital of Zombiedom, unearthing the undead shouldn't be too much of a chore.

Here's what you need:

1. Proof of age (over 18, please).
2. Clothing you don't mind never wearing again (fake blood tends to stain)
3. The willingness to amuse yourself safely between shots
4. Common sense (we'll be filming in a warehouse, so safety is key)
5. Transportation to and from Bellevue.

For more information and directions, please email zombies@somethingtobedesired.com

(Please include what day(s) you're available. This is a first-come, first-zombified notice.)

There is no pay. Compensation includes exposure on an international webseries plus free coffee and/or fake blood.

Makeup artists will be on-hand to convert the willing into the undead. Volunteer zombies will not be required to attend both shoots, though you're certainly welcome to.

Check out the series at www.SomethingToBeDesired.com.