Pittsburgh Dish

Painful reminder in Oakland

Ghost bike haunts city street

A spooky-looking bike appeared on the corner of South Craig and Henry streets in Oakland with a sign "Cyclist Struck Here" and flowers affixed to its tires. The bike commemorates an accident that occurred there over Labor Day weekend, when a car hit a cyclist as she was turning the corner. The cyclist suffered a broken wrist and several cuts.

The bike was placed there by a small group of local cyclists called Ghost Bike Pittsburgh. It sprung up in 2004 after the group read about the project in other cities. Old donated bikes are painted white and chained to telephone poles near locations where cyclists have been hit or killed.

The loosely formed group hopes to foster better road relations between cyclists and motorists.

According to a press release, "GBP is a group of concerned bicycle commuters who have seen lives destroyed by the lack of concern by city government and automobile drivers in general. They see Pittsburgh as a city with an uninviting transportation infrastructure, a government reluctant to accommodate their needs, and a set of laws that leans toward the rights of motorists and ignores unprotected bicyclists."

State of the arts in Garfield

Attack(ed) Theatre

A passerby near Attack Theatre on Penn Ave. in Bloomfield/Garfield made his/her feelings known via Herky (yes, Herky) Pollock's real estate sign. Attack Theatre posted a flyer on the exterior of their building calling for local artists, steps away from Herky's call for developers.

Guess this protester won't be attending the Dirty Ball.

Incongruity on display

How avant garde!

Will you look at this? There's a comely young lass in bridal gear hanging about in front of the North Side's porn palace, the North Side's Garden Theather. Edgy.

See, as noted above, the Garden shows, ahem, adult films. And it also serves as a meeting place for gentlemen wishing to grope one another while shrouded in the anonymity of a darkened screening room (not that Dish has experienced this personally. Dish gropes in the clear light of day). Then you've got this pretty ladyperson clad in virginal white in front of the about-to-be-closed-(we hope)-thanks-to-eminent-domain porno theater. That's not something you'd expect to see. Incongruous, indeed. Packs a punch, does that certainly-not-even-remotely-cliche-image. (Also, it's pretty meta what with Dish taking a picture of the photographer taking a picture of the woman posing against the smut hut.)

Hipster photogs, polish up your lenses. The bridal thing, obviously, has been done (Mrs. Dish thinks for City Paper's next bridal issue). Yet not all is lost. You could place a child in knickers enjoying a lolly pop in front of the Garden. Or, perhaps, a young couple clad in J Crew or some such pretending to enter. Or, better still, a guy in a priest's collar. That's some mighty fine social commentary, there. Let your imaginations run wild, picture-takers of Pittsburgh. The Garden may not be at your service much longer.

What fresh Hell is this?

Last night's long journey home.

The 54C was a mere hour-and-a-half late. It came rolling up S. Craig St. in Oakland. The doors opened and the bus driver spoke: "You're going to have to wait for the next one." Understandable, considering that his conveyance was packed with ornery commuters as a toothpaste tube is with ADA-approved dentifrice.

A gent who was in the midst of trying to get from Pitcarin to see his baby's mama in Bloomfield did not accept this situation, telling the driver to commit a rather difficult act of self-love and chucking his coffee at the departing bus. "I've been waiting for two hours," he shouted (more like 20 minutes). "I know my rights." These rights apparently include being a raging twit. But Dish digresses.

At 5 p.m. Thursday, Mr. Dish departed his S. Craig St. office. Taking the 500 home to Dish HQ on the North Side would be inadvisable, Mr. Dish thought, as Steelers fans arriving for the evening's tilt with the Browns would have downtown gridlocked. But the 54C doesn't go through downtown, he realized. Yes, that would be the better option.

Or not.

Reports came trickling in from pedestrians trying to avoid biting it on the icy sidewalks: Wrecks aplenty (ed: Haven't you mouth-breathers driven on ice before?) had thrown the Port Authority schedule into disarray. Mr. Dish's toes had fused into blocks by this point. But optimism reigned. Hadn't a 54C just gone by in the opposite direction? Surely it's sibling working the route's mirror image would be by soon. Well, Dish'll be, there it is!

Nope. Postal truck.

It was close to 6:30 by this point. Mr. Dish had taken to hiding in a coffee shop for warmth, wishing he had accompanied a group of fellow strandees to a nearby tavern. Mr. Dish called Dad-of-Dish, who was approaching the city from Beaver County. Father and son were to attend the Steelers game. "Dad, you wanna pick me up? Take Mrs. Dish with you for directional aid." Pops agreed.

By this time, Mr. Dish's toes had thawed in the coffee shop warmth. He trundled out into the weather. Succor was near!

Or not.

Forty-five freakin' minutes later, the cavalry arrived. Walking toward the car, Mr. Dish saw a woman who had been waiting for the 54C since 5. He gently wept for her. Traffic, Dad-of-Dish said, remained an abomination. No kidding.

Dish HQ was gained shortly after 8 p.m. Dad-of-Dish an son said, in unison, "Screw going to the game, let's get some wings." They made it so.

Jesus jams traffic

  Son of God ties up Liberty Ave.

City workers parked plum in the middle of Liberty Avenue in Bloomfield this morning stringing "holiday" (ahem, a big star guided the three wise guys to Baby J so let's not kid ourselves about which holiday: United Nations Day) decorations across the street.

A hard-hatted man in a bucket anchored the green garland as buses and trucks inched by. Seemingly unfazed by the curled lips of passersby, the city employee managed to center the star without falling into the tree, smashing his mother-in-law's antique hand blown choir boy, landing on the dog, mumbling "screw it" then pouring three fingers of Cutty.

Jude Law in town

Young Brit seen in clutches of young brat last night.

British actor Jude Law was seen on the set of "Mysteries of Pittsburgh" last night. Law was visiting his on-again off-again girlfriend Sienna Miller who has been in town shooting the film, which also stars Peter Sarsgaard and Nick Nolte. Law arrived in Pittsburgh yesterday, sources said.

The couple was spotted while filming at a house in the upscale suburb of Sewickley, home to hockey legend Mario Lemieux as well as former Steeler and Republican gubernatorial candidate Lynn Swann.

"I was just standing there when I saw this couple walk toward me," one female source said. "I probably wouldn't have noticed it was him but when Sienna saw me, she grabbed his arm tight like a jealous high school girlfriend." Law and the 24-year-old actress grabbed tabloid headlines after Law dumped Miller for his children's nanny.

Miller, who called the Burgh "Shitsburgh" in a recent Rolling Stone article and was tossed out of a South Side bar last week, has been "stomping around and swearing like a truck driver" on set. She was told to pipe down during a shoot with children, sources said. Last week, Miller passed on using a g-string while shooting a love scene, a rarity among actors.

More bad behavior is anticipated next week when Miller will be filmed in an outdoor swimming pool. Weather is expected to be in the 30s.

Spurned, burnt and rebuffed

Sienna Miller bares more than her feelings towards the Burgh.

While Crayola decided to keep burnt sienna in it's colorful little box, the poop-on-Pittsburgh actress Sienna Miller wasn't so lucky.

The actress was booted out of Young's Tavern over the weekend because she didn't have ID. Apparently her Norma Desmond "Don't you know who I am!?" bologna didn't empress the bouncer who bounced the blonde to the curb. It's not the first time Pittsburgh has shown great deference toward Hollywood types. This summer, talk show host Jimmy Kimmel was denied a seat on a Just Ducky tour, though he refrained from throwing a hissy fit.

Wait, that's not all folks.

In exclusive Sienna news (moronic sounding we know), sources say Miller also rebuffed donning a g-string and other coverups during a love scene last week. Usually, actors are not completely in the buff during nude scenes, said the source. "Most of the time they wear either a g-string or something flesh-colored to cover their privates. They prefer it. It's very rare than an actor does this."

Apparently those on set didn't appreciate the actress's raw sanctitude. 'Buff said.

Filming ends Oct. 20.

Will her shenanigans?

Filling the Void – Pittsburgh Net Radio

KPNR-FM committed to expanding indie options.

by Casandra Coin

Being a recent transplant from Chicago, I've been desperately seeking indie rock. Like The M’s, Major Organ and the Adding Machine, The Black Keys. Coming from a town where there are two or three independent label concerts occurring on any given night, I found myself at a loss. Luckily, I recently discovered KPNR-FM Pittsburgh Net Radio. 

Started by Brian Cosgrove in 2001, supported by a grant from a Pittsburgh-based non-profit, The Sprout Fund, Pittsburgh Net Radio was originally comprised of only Pittsburgh-based bands and ran 24/7. However, Cosgrove quickly came to realize that Pittsburgh is not alone in its absence of diverse FM radio choices. Major cities across the U.S. are catering their playlists to what attracts the demographics advertisers covet.

“The young folks have no bucks, I guess, so there is no real Indie agenda,” said Cosgrove. “I sensed a void of sorts.” Like a DJ for the masses, Cosgrove now selectively incorporates submissions from independent labels, blogs, MySpace and message boards.

In addition to providing better tunes on the airwaves, Pittsburgh Net Radio also helps promote and bring bands to Pittsburgh . More music choices not only benefit listeners, but also allow local bands greater exposure to the various independent labels, artists, and opportunities. By popularizing venues and upcoming shows, Cosgrove hopes to bring larger and more attentive audiences to see these bands. Imagine being on tour—spending the time and money to travel for hours—only to find that you can’t afford the gas that brought you to the venue and there’s no audience. What are the chances that you’d return?

Expanded marketing outside of Pittsburgh, KPNR-FM has drawn listeners and contributors in major metropolitan areas throughout the states and other countries, including Denmark , Finland , Canada , and the United Kingdom .

In one way or another, this has been Cosgrove’s dream since junior high school. He used to spend his time in study hall creating playlists and logos for imaginary stations.

“I had always been fascinated by music and radio’s part in getting music out there to people," said Cosgrove. "Radio and the personalities just intrigued me.”

That passion was stunted for a time. Although Cosgrove wanted nothing more than a career in radio, he was overwhelmed by his “radio heroes” and entered the corporate world when he graduated from high school. Pittsburgh Net Radio is his way of building his “own little alternative.”

This is a one-man operation broadcasting from a small section of an apartment on the South Side. The non-profit funding has long since run out but the commitment remains strong.

“The thoughts and visions are still big,” said Cosgrove. “It’s a matter of getting others involved. There is something to be built here.”

Spread the word.

Photo: Indie band (and Dish pal) The Tyler Trudeau Attempt from Connecticut. Photo by Kathleen Cei.

Sienna Miller learns ...

...only Pittsburghers can insult Pittsburgh. Film producers barraged with outraged 'Burgers.

Update: Though Dish reported the story about the city's outrage before the national media (OK,so we're not above gloating), read the AP follow-up on Miller's mea culpa after dumping on Pittsburgh. The writer reinforces Miller's perspective in the last four paragraphs. Hey, why talk about the good things when you can side with a starlet?

And we thought we were being such good hosts.

Sources say the production office of the film "Mysteries of Pittsburgh," has been swarmed with calls this morning, outraged by actress and victim of nanny-based infidelity Sienna Miller's comments in the latest issue of Rolling Stone. Her hurtful words were reported in the P-G this morning. To deal with the fallout, a room at the William Penn hotel is being prepared for an afternoon press conference.

In the RS article, Miller calls Pittsburgh "shit," though the author claims the second-tier actress rarely left her hotel room. Miller plays a supporting role in the film adaptation of novelist Michael Chabon's best seller.

Chabon, also the author of Wonder Boys, which was also turned into a Pittsburgh-shot movie, earned his BA at the University of Pittsburgh and MFA at UC-Irvine. To Dish's knowledge, he never compared the city to solid animal waste.

P-G reporter John Hayes, who sought reaction from the Rolling Stone piece's author, wrote:

"Can you believe this is my life?" Miss Miller later asks Rolling Stone contributing editor Jenny Eliscu, over a plate of garlic-parmesan Buffalo wings at a Pittsburgh hotel bar. "Will you pity me when you're back in your funky New York apartment and I'm still in Pittsburgh? I need to get more glamorous films."

Miller has be on a two-week (or should we say fortnight so as not to sound like dumb Pittsburghers) hiatus to her London apartment during filming and is expected to return today. One outraged caller reportedly said, "Where are you filming? We want to throw pierogies at her."

Dish suggests mashed potato and onion for this purpose. Regarding "more glamorous films," Dish suggests better talent.

But in all seriousness, Sienna, why don't you stop by the Monterey Pub on the North Side for an Imp and Ahrn? We'll show you why they call this place Paris on the Mon.

More Sienna shenanigans here.

We came, we saw, we drank

Pittsburgh Pants Party proper.

Photos by Patrick Kent

It was a lovely Saturday evening, the 16th day of September. Forgoing the pleasant weather, a handful of Pittsburgh-area Deadspinners congregated in the dank recesses of 222 Bar a couple hours before gametime. Moonshine Mike, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette scribe Diana Nelson-Jones (both pictured left), a guy in a Clinton Portis t-shirt and Pirates cap, Pat in a "Pittsburgh Baseball: Rebuilding since 1992" t-shirt, That Guy, Jewdago, Sarcastro, Mrs. Sarcastro, a fellow in a Pirates away jersey and Sarcastro's mom and dad braved the depredations of the triple deuce and began to get sauced. Deadspin overlord Will Leitch considered coming as well, but opted to go to Cincinnati to plan for his upcoming wedding and monitor the progress of race relations in the Queen City. His absence was made up for with a photo of Will displayed on a stick. More or less the same thing, right?

Sarcastro's mom was afraid to drink from the tavern's glassware, so she tippled a Smirnoff Ice. Other beers consumed were Iron City, IC Light and Yuengling (all fine Pennsylvania products). Jewdago mostly drank Bud. Sarcastro didn't like that. It seems that it might have been the second inning by the time the Deadspin and friends crew entered majestic PNC park, having remained in the 222 for a round after the first pitch. Priorities.

Inside, the group met Sarcastro family friend Tricia, landed a coveted SRO spot on the left field rotunda and settled in for the contest. And more beer. And cheese fries. And Quick-it Chicken. And pizza. And more beer. A young fellow in a Olerud jersey was asked why he wasn't wearing a batting helmet. Jason Bay was serenaded with O, Canada!

It is agreed that much more happened, but such events are lost in a fog of beer. Word is, the Pirates won 3-2. Hooray! Here are some photos by Patrick Kent.

Sing in the new season with Mr. Cafeteria

Relive old song for new season.

Anticipating this evening's beginning of the Steelers' defense of their Super Bowl title, we harken back to those heady days of yesteryear when the Steel City was girding its loins for battle in the Motor City. (Most of the loin girding was done through rapid and vigorous consumption of what we call "the booze.")

But one man stood apart and above. King of Allegheny General Hospital's cafeteria, Dennis Lunardi ("Mr. Cafeteria," to those in the know) sat hunched over a pad and, pen in hand, he crafted the finest hospital cafeteria menu known to sentient beings (see below). And then he set it to music. Then we all found it ... Dare I say?   Freakin' Spectacularly Awesome!

Listen here to said awesomeness.

The tune was broadcast on several radio stations and AGH's cafeteria menu hotline phone number was passed around with the kind of reverence one might expect reserved for Ben Roethlisberger's cup.

"I just did it for fun," Lunardi told Pittsburgh Dish. "I never thought it would be so popular. I make up funny names for dishes all the time, but I wanted to do something special for the Super Bowl, so I sat down and wrote the song." Yes, beer was involved. No, it wasn't Iron City. "It was Bud Light," Lunardi said, somewhat apologetically.

Has he favored us with a new Steelers foodie tune for tonight's tilt with the Florida Fish? Sadly, no. "I'll wait until we're into the season."

So, while Super Bowl 40 Chicken Cacciatore won't be on the AGH cafeteria menu ever again, let's welcome the return of the Roethlisfurter, as presented by Hot Dogma, the finest hot dog shop located in a church basement in Downtown Pittsburgh that Dish knows.

Mr. Cafeteria's Super Bowl 40 Menu:

Superbowl 40 Chicken Cacciatore

Tailgate chili

Touchdown Hot Sausage Calzone

Pittsburgh-style Pierogi

Kick-off Kielbasa & Kraut

Steel Curtain Wrap

Big Ben Hoagie

Big Beautiful Steeler Sheet Cake

Burgh based web series returns

Pittsburgh comedy reaching cult status.

From Erik Schark:

The first episode of the fourth season of “Something To Be Desired," the only ongoing web-based series set and shot in is now available at their website. New episodes will appear every Monday.

Something To Be Desired," or STBD to its fans – a growing legion currently around 3,000 strong from across the globe – is an ongoing web-based comedy series, essentially a TV show that can only be seen on the internet or when downloaded to a portable video device (iPod, etc). It takes place at the fictitious independent radio station WANT and concerns the lives and loves of a group of twentysomethings trying to figure out just what it is they want.It’s part sitcom, part soap opera, occasionally a little raw, frequently hilarious, and completely addictive.

Pittsburgh is very much a character in the showThe music of area bands like The Rockstar Collective, stoned.com and Kingsfoil has been prominently featured; locally-made products have been featured (Little Earth, Torque Denim, etc.); scenes have been filmed during a concert at The Rex, a FLUX art event and an Art Gallery Crawl; and episodes have highlighted numerous local businesses (and occasionally their owners), including Kiva Han, Oztier Magic, Hot Metal Grille, Eljay’s Used Books, and Altar (formerly Sanctuary), to name just a few.  This year, Affogato, The Mattress Factory, HeadQuarters gallery space and more will be added to the list.

The show has made fans as far away as Australia, where best-selling author Max Barry praised it on his blog as having “bucket-loads of talent”. STBD was just the focus of a feature in the New York-based actors’ magazine Backstage. And cult legend Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Films, recently took time out from his book tour to appear in a promo for the upcoming season.

Season 4 kicks off September 4 and all upcoming and previous episodes are available via iTunes, the STBD rss feed, or directly from the “Something To Be Desired” website.

Something To Be Desired” was created in 2003 by Justin Kownacki, a 29 year-old Erie native currently living in Highland Park. He writes, directs and produces every STBD episode on his own, with ample input from the cast. Kownacki holds a degree in Computer Animation from the Art Institute of Pittsburgh.

For additional information, Contact:

Justin Kownacki @ jkownacki@somethingtobedesired.com

Kownacki Productions

K-9 cop needs shots

  North Side cop has distemper.

by Michael Vivar

Last Friday, Dish was taking Cora the Love Piggy for a stroll in West Park when we came upon a friend and fellow dog-walker approaching from Sherman Street. “A cop pulled a gun on some dogs!” she yelled. She continued, “It’s that K-9 cop who’s been wandering around the neighborhood. The dogs were off-leash when the cop pulled the gun and yelled, ‘Get those dogs back!’ at the owner.” Dish rushed to the scene (rushed as well as we could while coaxing a tired and thirsty Cora) and, in the parking lot behind Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church, witnessed the cop, while barely able to control his own German Shepard, berating a middle-aged woman who now had her two playful yet well-behaved Shepard mixes on leash. Both the cop and the woman dispersed after a few minutes and the dispensing of two citations.

On Tuesday, while again at West Park, Dish related the story to a woman who is yet another regular at the dog park (we are Legion). She had her own anecdote about K-9 Kop's Kooky Kapers. The day before, while running her dogs on the island in the middle of Lake Elizabeth (in photos), she heard a man’s voice behind her saying, “Those dogs need to be on a leash.” As everyone who walks their dog in the park has had this statement thrown at them at one time or another, she ignored the voice. A few moments later, the voice, more threatening this time, snarled, “Are you deaf? Do you speak English? I told you to get those dogs on a leash!” She turned around and saw the K-9 cop scowling with his canine officer pulling at its halter. Though the island is part of the off-leash area, the woman did not want to provoke the further ire of Johnny Law so she gathered her furry friends and moved along.

Dish specifically, and the Central North Side in general, has been quite impressed by recent actions of the officers at Zone 1. They have been on the ball when it comes to patrolling the neighborhood and quashing petty crime. On the other hand, though I use the K-9 cop as specific example, his behavior is symptomatic of the general attitude of the officers in the area for the past few years. We understand that the job of the police is extremely frustrating and that it may feel as if one is merely sticking fingers in a dam while leaks spring up in numerous other places. They would do well to remember, though, that we also want to help them, and treating us with indifference and/or outright hostility is accomplishes nothing but the fostering of mistrust on all sides.
They are supposed to be a part of the community they protect and should act as such.

We, in turn as a community, will grant them what respect and assistance they earn.

North Side sales down last week

Neighborhood so quiet you could hear a dime drop.

Last Thursday, neighbors near the corner of Jacksonia and Monterey in the Mexican War Streets were downright flummoxed after discovering that said corner suffered an economic downfall.

At around 11 a.m. neighbors noticed an eerie silence at the intersection, specifically in front of the house owned by the Mattress Factory on the corner Monterey and Jacksonia (pictured above). Usually at that time, young men begin to engage in the curbside exchange of goods and services (ill-gotten goods and illicit services). But that day, a hush befell the bustling bazaar.

The young tradesmen whose pants are too big were no where to be found.

At about 5:15 p.m., a neighbor called Dish HQ to report that three identical unmarked cars with tinted windows rolled up in front of homes on the 300 block of Jacksonia. The witness saw about six men (presumably the fuzz) exit the cars and began rifling through mailboxes and flowerpots. One young man was told to sit on the curb, but was not arrested. He was seen standing sentry at the corner 15 minutes later.

The next evening at around 11 p.m. the same neighbor excitedly called Dish HQ to report a raid on the bullet-riddled seedy bar at 1410 Monterey (pictured right), two houses down from the troubled corner. She witnessed several uniformed police enter the bar but far less than the usual number of patrons exited. Only one man was taken away in handcuffs, she said.

"The bar was quiet all day," said the neighbor. "Just like the corner yesterday. There's gotta be a leak somewhere."

A new kind of film office?

Local film industry heavy hitters propose changes at the Pittsburgh Film Office. Keezer's kiester kaput?

Dish received the following letter, addressed to County Honcho Dan Onorato, Mayor O'Connor, and cc'd to Governor Rendell. It is signed by casting folks, producers, actors, and myriad other film folk. We'll let the thing speak for  itself.

July 24, 2006

The Honorable Dan Onorato, Chief Executive, Allegheny County

County Court House, Grant Street

Pittsburgh, PA 15219

The Honorable Bob O’Connor

Mayor, City of Pittsburgh

City-County Building

Pittsburgh, PA 15219

Dear Mr. Onorato and Mr. O’Connor:

It is with great consideration and a very strong sense of resolve that we, the community of filmmakers and film industry professionals in Western Pennsylvania, call on you to join us in support of a bold new approach to nurturing film production in Western Pennsylvania.

As you can see from the weight and volume of the undersigned, we comprehensively represent the most significant local stakeholders in this matter. But if that were not enough, you will find here endorsements from some of the most powerful interests in Hollywood as well. Collectively, unanimously and with a clear sense of purpose, we call on you to support the creation of a new kind of film office that will represent the best interests of the citizens of Western Pennsylvania. This will most likely require that public money be redirected from the current Film Office and towards our new, comprehensive initiative.

In other words, as we propose a fresh and effective direction for this economic development program, we simultaneously state our complete and total lack of confidence in the Pittsburgh Film Office to fulfill its mission and its purpose. It lacks any ability whatsoever to represent the best interests of the citizens in this region.

We ask that you support us locally, and in the Governor’s office, so that our positive call for a new and effective organization can be supported with public funding to accomplish that which is now hardly being accomplished at all. There are a number of qualified non-profits in place that stand by ready to house this new program, a program that will clearly serve a broader set of interests and return more money to this region.

We also propose a more representative governance structure and an organization that not only courts the business of Hollywood, but proactively nurtures the local, indigenous film community that already exists, so that they are not forever dependent on the vain whims of outside interests.

The film industry is speaking out with a single voice to ask that public support be redirected to a new entity that better serves the community, the field, and the international reputation of Western Pennsylvania. Respectfully, we call on you to join us in our endeavor.

Sincerely,

Charlie Byrnes, International Representative, Teamsters

Eric Gold, Producer, Manager

Patricia Buckley, Casting Assistant

Robert Buncher, President of IATSE, Local 480

Diane Collins, Costume Designer/Wardrobe Supervisor

David Conrad, Actor, Filmmaker

Bruce Crocker, Missus and Trixie Films

Midian Crosby, Special Effects and Make-up

Laura Davis, Producer/Steeltown Advisor

Kent Edwards, Former Board Member for PFO/Board Member of Pgh Filmmakers

John Haer, Director of AFTRA

Charlie Humphry, Executive Director of Pgh Filmmkaers

Ellen Kander, Co founder Steeltown Entertainment

Ken Kellers, Leadman

Canice Kennedy, Casting Director

Chris Lacey, AFTRA

Amy Lamb, Executive Producer of Lumiere Films

Maxine Lapidus, Executive Producer

Amy Marasalisa, Actor/Producer

Melissa Martin, Missus and Trixie Films

Crispin May, Camera Assistant

Catherine McConnell, Former Board member for PFO

Terri Minsky, Writer/Producer

Eugene Pile, Construction Coordinator

Richard Rauh, Prof. of Film at Point Park College/Actor

Greg Rempel, Writer/Director, Company X Entertainment

Joey Rocket, Graphic Artist/Photographer, Specter Studio

Cameron Romero, President of Batpack Studios/Director

Marty Schiff, Producer/Executive Director

Janet Smith, Producer, Trifocal State Theatre, Center of the Arts

Marlene Speranza, Costumer, CMU Costume Shop

Mamie Kay Stein, Props and Set Dresser and Buyer

William Strickland Jr. , President and CEO of Bidwell, Training Center and Manchester Craftsman’s Guild

Jamie Widdoes, Director

Michael Zinobile, Grip

Andrea Davis, Steeltown Entertainment

Todd Eckert, Director/Producer

Adrienne Wehr, Missus & Trixie Films

Diana Stoughton, IATSE Local 489

Sally Lapiduss, Producer/Writer, Los Angeles

Cc: Governor Rendell

Cc: Governor Rendell

Mailbox missing, postman confused

Neither ran, nor snow, nor sleet, nor dark of night ... no one said a damn thing about big holes.

by Michael Vivar

On the Saturday morning before last while Dish was enjoying tasty cakes and coffee at Beleza Community Coffeehouse, a trio of city hardhats were working on/gawking at what neighbors have dubbed "The Inexplicable Hole" (TM) near on the corner of Jacksonia and Buena Vista in the Mexican War Streets.

A mailman walked up to them looking a bit flustered. He asked (pretty meekly and almost desperately), "Ummm... Have you guys seen a green mailbox around here?" The workers hemmed and hawed for a moment and, as if they expected it to materialize from there, they all looked into the"Inexplicable Hole" (TM). Finally they'd come to the conclusion that no, that hadn't seen the mailbox and the mailman just kind of slunked away still looking confused and presumably to get his gun and find a clock tower in order to vent his frustration over his missing mailbox. (That last bit was conjecture.)

Dippy looking dapper

Prehistoric fashion plate or onset of manhood?

Dish drives by the Carnegie Museum of Natural History daily en route to Mr. Dish's day job. And every day, when Mr. and Mrs. Dish see Dippy the dinosaur standing sentinel out front of the museum, they feel pretty good. They also point and say "Dippy!" Mr. and Mrs. Dish are decidedly lame.

During the Steelers' Super Bowl run, Dippy supported the black and gold by sporting a sporty Steelers scarf. Lately, he's had whatever the hell that thing is perched upon his little head. Dish could call the Carnegie to ask what it's supposed to be. However, Mr. and Mrs. Dish prefer to let their imaginations wander and think of it as a festive yarmulke worn in celebration of his becoming a man at his recent bar mitzvah. Either that, or it's a bicycle helmet festooned with cake frosting in honor of the Tour of France and national Cake Awareness Month.

Kids off to camp, parents rejoice

Our youngest correspondent goes into the woods.

In his youth, Mr. Dish assiduously avoided summer camp. The certainty of being on the receiving end of multiple atomic wedgies, a irrational fear of poison ivy, and an overarching need to watch television made trips to the virgin woods unappealing to say the least. Mr. Dish, you may have guessed, was a bit of a Nancy boy.

However, unlike Mr. Dish, the 84 youngsters assembled at Heinz House the morning of June 24 exhibited no fear, eager as they were to embark on trip—carried by the iconic yellow school bus—to a rural area outside Ellwood City and the Sarah Heinz House Camp.

Among the youngsters was Larry Moore (right). The 9-year-old stood on the sidewalk with a suitcase that nearly matched him in size. Master Larry is not a small boy and, according to his grandmother, JoAnn, has a tendency to lose his boxer shorts at camp, hence the ample supply stuffed into the suitcase. Ready for two weeks at camp, Moore stood out among the other boys, laden with their own luggage and, naturally, fishing poles.

Larry, primed as he was to ride “the big water slide” and excited as he was about camping in general and the particular fact that counselor Dan showed up sporting a Mohawk, had another assignment at camp aside from enjoying the great outdoors. He has graciously agreed to write about his experiences for Pittsburgh Dish.

We expect his bulletins from the great north woods to be a bit more engaging than, “Hello muddah, hello faddah, here I am, at Camp Granada.” Larry’s much cooler than that.

As the buses were revving up, Larry was raring to go. Jay Jordheim of Etna (left) was running through all the things he anticipated doing, “The waterslide, the tarp in this hill, capture the flag, overnights in the woods, the Fourth of July bonfire …” and Holly Williams of Manchester was trying to persuade her son, Marcus, to use the bathroom. (Not for the expected reason, she wanted to occupy him elsewhere while she hid his birthday presents in his luggage.)

Duffel bags were being tossed into a bus, boys were engaging in fishing rod swordplay, and Larry was thinking about one of his favorite things at the Sarah Heinz House camp: Food.

The camp costs $200 and his counselor says he eats more than that,” said JoAnn with a laugh.

With that, Larry was off. Mr. Dish, now in his mid thirties, is pleased to camp vicariously through Larry and Dish hopes you enjoy reading his missives as much as we expect to.

More mysteries surround Mysteries

Did Michael Chabon write a comedy or Greek tragedy starring the Pittsburgh Film Office?

Blind squirrel finds acorn: We were right.

Dish hears that what really jeopardized the Burg's chances of Chabon's "Mysteries of Pittsburgh" being filmed here had nothing to do with high production costs or Hollywood stand-offs. Blame the delay, they say, on PFO internal politics (Melissa Hart is a board member, 'nuff said), jealousy (of Steeltown Entertainment, a local group that, many say, does what PFO should do) and drama (of the legal kind). Dish's sources claim reported chinks in contract negotiations weren't the fly in the ointment at all; local power plays were dimming Pittsburgh's prospects.

Whispers of replacing the embattled PFO with another entity are also flying and several names are being bandied about for the director's chair. Seems a certain chickadee might be joining her celluloid jail bird with sticky fingers in L.A., leaving her nest open for (many hope) a competent, pro-Pittsburgh successor.

The P-G with a banjo on its knee

If ignorance is bliss, then the editor(s) responsible for this headline from Linden, Alabama must be enraptured. And before any of you start beating that "Southerners is so dumb" drum, Dish is taking the high road on this one, tolerating none of that nonsense.  Nope, instead, Dish has decided to present today's P-G headlines, as seen through the moonshine-induced haze experienced by the aforementioned barefoot Rebel flag-waving inbred hayseed editor. –M.G.

By Joe Miksch, Mike Gillis and Jody DiPerna

From A-1:

"Senate border bill near passage,”

Could be: "White people soon to harvest own produce."

"Dress Like a mess for success"

More accurate: "I could not be less cool or more uninteresting if I tried"

"DA says no charges over 'Top 25' list"

How about: 'Top 25' list OK by DA; Says, 'Well, Mindy does have large cans'"

From the Local section:

"The doctor is (still!) in: Oakland physician celebrates 60 years on the job."

Should read: Old coot doc treats cancer with leeches: Calls antibiotics 'passing fad.'

"Ho-hum! Yet another 1-run loss for Pirates: Familiar script plays out again as Diamondbacks sweep series with 8-7 win against Zach Duke"

More appropriate: Fuck it.

______________________________________________________________________________

P-G “Man convicted of shooting wife over dirty dishes."

M.G.-Greene County D.A. Reluctant Prosecutor

P-G“Medicaid managers say proposed payments too low”

M.G. -Melissa Hart Says Poor, Lazy Get What They Deserve

P-G “Bridgeville, South Fayette buy safer guns"

M.G. -Sarasnick Hardware Places New Cap Pistol Order; First Since Agnew Resignation

P-G“Pirates' record just keeps on slipping in 8-7 loss”

M.G. -Steelers' Porter has minor surgery on knee

__________________________________________________________________________________

PG- “Penguins to name Ray Shero general manager today”

J.D. -Flightless Waterfowl Name First Castrati GM"

PG – “Board OKs city school closings"

J.D. -Rick Santorum Ecstatic that Educational Services Will Be Less Accesible for Urban Blacks

PG – “Penn State to house terrorism research institute"

J.D. -Rene Portland Named to Homeland Security

Prepubescent little droolers displace dogs from North Side dog park

Dogs kicked to grassy knoll over the weekend.

Fearing that Timmy and Brittney would be consumed by rapacious canines, West Park's beloved off-leash exercise area for poochies was closed down for the 20th annual Children's Festival. Pooches were barred from their usual spot to make way for a giant, yet colorful, hot-air cold-blooded aquatic vertebrate (below).

Sale of crack in garbage bag-size quantities forbidden on North Side

Community watch-type sign certain to have tremendous impact on local drug trade.

While sipping coffee at Beleza on the corner of Jacksonia and Buena Vista, Dish was tempted to exchange a sizable quantity of rock cocaine (aka crack) for money with a gentleman driving a boxy car. Looking up, Dish was cowed by a sign. Such a transaction is not permitted in the Mexican War Streets.

For those who might have mistakenly taken the illustration as a plea to not take a Glad bag of  laundry from a stranger driving an older sedan, the bag and vehicle are conveniently labeled "crack" and "dealer" respectively. The more you know ...

Yale student protests Pitt's Spa Day

Furry Ivy Leaguer up in arms (that need waxed, badly)

College is for learnin'. But, sometimes, students have to wash all that worry over grades, drugs, and finding an acceptable partner for casual fornication right out of their hair. Road trip? No, Spa Day.

From Pitt News today by Zach Harmuth

If you needed a little retreat from the gray-rain weather Wednesday, the Union was the place to be.

And it was - at least for the 300-plus students who showed up at the Pitt Program Council's seventh annual Day at the Spa.

From 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. in the Assembly Room, PPC saw a constant stream of uncomfortable-looking guys and smiling girls queued up to utilize the stations: eight haircut, six manicure, four facial, two wax and three massage.

Day at the Spa cost PPC - and hence Pitt students - virtually nothing: The cosmetologists all came from the South Hills Beauty Academy, and were there for experience, not money.

"It's a great free event for students ... because many don't have time or money to enjoy a real spa," said Andrea Youngo, PPC executive board director.

PPC had to start turning away people who didn't have an appointment, which they could have picked up in the Union during the previous week.

But some, apparently, consider themselves above a nice wax and pluck. For this holier-than-thou anti-grooming attitude, Dish looks back toward its old drinking grounds in New Haven, Connecticut and found the hirsute dissenter pictured in the Yale Daily News who mocked the event by wearing colors that were all wrong for him.

A Pitt student struck back by saying, "He's a winter, not a spring. God, we learned that last month at a Mary Kay seminar in the student lounge."

He added, "Yalies think they're so smart."

This blows

Wind picks up debris, scatters it around courtyard and, like a thief in the night, vanishes into thin air.

It was a bit more than breezy Monday as the storm that truly effed up the midwest hit Pittsburgh (which is either the eastern terminus of the midwest or the western frontier of the "East." Kind of a no man's land, if you will. Dish kind of sees the place as the amalgamation of a kinder East and a less huckleberryesque midwest. The bastard child of New York and Chicago, divided by 64.). Thunder clapped, lightning flashed, and rain fell from the sky—as did a trucker hat, a length of reddish purple velvet, a cardboard box labeled in Spanish, and someone's hair weave, which was espied by a Dish neighbor as it flew by her window. If anyone cares to claim these items, contact Dish at editor@pittsburghdish.com. The hair weave is up in a tree and might take some work to get to, but the rest of this crap will remain in Dish HQ's courtyard until garbage night Wednesday.

Feel free to infrom Dish about any interesting rubbish found in and around your dwelling. Photos welcome. A denizen of the Mexican War Streets summed up the Stormtacular experience thusly: "Girl, did you see all that thunder 'n lightnin' 'n shit?!" We did, dear. We all did.

The work of Roy G. Biv

A Dish reader reported seeing this arc de triomphe du Pittsburgh at around 6:30 p.m. on the North Side.

Most likely the P-G will have a much nicer photo in tomorrow's edition. Damn them and their fancy f-stops.

One down

Workers fill in a pothole on the North Side this morning. 

According to the Post-Gazette, milder temperatures have tempered the number of street craters this winter causing PennDOT's "pothole hotline" to be "mostly silent."

While the number of chasms have decreased, the circumference and depth have increased dramatically.

While there is no definitive proof of this theory, Dish reports that there were two potholes outside of Dish HQ. They really wide and very deep. But now they're filled in.

Thank you PennDOT. Phil McCraken promises not to call the hotline...until next year.

Saran Wrap, Phil favored over Santorum

Senator overshadowed by a groundhog and a large, green wad.

Photos by Fred Rapone

Punxsutawney Phil rode in a cushy, custom van whilst Sen. Rick Santorum walked. An unsanctioned 80-pound ball of green Saran Wrap (which serves no purpose) was rolled lovingly by handlers dressed in furry costumes as Rick Santorum (ditto) walked with his cadre of sycophants and handed out hard candy. The O'Irony? Mom's tell their kids not to accept candy from strangers, particularly those women who shouldn't be allowed to work to afford candy.

Big Ball O'Nothingness.

The mean look from the woman was the result of a four year- old asking her to show him her O'Knockers.

A wee O'Steelers fan.

Spats for St. Pat's

Pooper scoopers following a horse troupe (or was it Santorum who was energetically booed by the crowd?).

Yale shrink buys piece of the [No]rth Side

Art, mind game or both?

Jeff Glagowski, a photographer from New Haven, Conn., visited the North Side last summer and combed the Mexican War Streets neighborhood with camera and curiosity. He was enamored with the mix of refined architecture and raw street renderings. Glagowski returned to New Haven and displayed his photos at City-Wide Open Studios, an event that transforms vacant buildings, living rooms, storefronts and any structures with walls into art galleries.

Glagowski sold several photos to Charles A. Morgan III, M.D., a forensic psychiatrist and an associate professor of psychiatry at Yale University. The "No" photo, taken near Monterey Street, perhaps appealed to Morgan on a socio-scientific level and not just an aesthetic one.

Morgan is also a senior research scientist on the behavioral science staff of the Central Intelligence Agency. He lead a study conducted by the U.S. Navy and Yale which found that eyewitness testimony is often largely inaccurate, even when victims get a long look at violent criminals, and police and juries may be giving this evidence too much credibility.

In his Commencement address to Yale's Physician Associate Class of 2003, Morgan told the graduating class, “You need to question authority. You need to think about what you do.”

Morgan, who will hang the "No" photo in a public area of the "Gold Building" in downtown New Haven, is apparently not a Yes Man.

See more of Glagowski's photos here.

O'Connor hates information, curtails Internet use

Mayor replaces employee PCs with pacifiers.

by Mike Gillis

So, the City of Pittsburgh has decided to limit web surfing by employees. Good, you say. Employers have the right to expect that, while on the clock, employees are working. Fair enough. Simple, straight-forward, shoulder-to-the-wheel, an honest day's pay for an honest day's work logic. Who can argue with that? Well, I'm your huckleberry.

I'm not sure where to start. Clearly this is an attempt to shake things up in city government now that Bob O'Connor finally has his chance to run things his way.

We're likely to see many examples of change for the sake of change, like the recent upheaval in the top ranks of the Police Bureau. After all, there's a new sheriff in town, and things are going to be done differently on his watch. Fine. That is Hizzoner's prerogative, and perhaps he's right, given Pittsburgh's recent governmental and fiscal woes. But the decision to limit employees to three, 10-minute windows of web access daily begs several questions.

Has city government work not been getting done? Nowhere have I read or heard that work has been piling up while city employees are shopping at amazon.com or checking stock quotes or downloading gazpacho recipes. If that were the case-if city employees are screwing around and not doing their jobs-take appropriate action. Retrain. Discipline. If necessary, terminate employment. In other words, make managers do their jobs. That's how meaningful change takes place. Implementing a policy which addresses a problem which may or may not exist is foolish and myopic-in other words, business as usual.

If the work is getting done, and city employees are still web-surfing with abandon, then that suggests that there isn't enough to do, right? Does that indicate staff reductions are in order? That employees need to have their job responsibilities broadened? That they should be re-trained and encouraged to take on additional responsibilities?

Nope, of course not. The only clear course of action is to assume that adults are abusing their privileges-that they are incapable of comporting themselves professionally, and that, given the opportunity, will choose to do as little as possible- and then to draft a policy which restricts an individual's ability figuratively to step away from their desks. Not that people need to take a break every now and then. Or need to attend to personal business which can only be done during (drum roll, please) BUSINESS HOURS. Well, guess what? I can guarantee that the work environment will deteriorate rapidly.

People will be expected to show up on time. Exactly on time. Show up too early, you're trying to get ahead. Show up a minute late, get written up. No, it doesn't matter that the T broke down or that your kid threw up on your tie. Late is late, it says so right here on page 33 of your Employee Handbook. Morale will plummet and absenteeism will skyrocket. Walk away from your desk because you wanted a cup of coffee? Get the coffee, but don't ask Bill if he thinks Zack Duke should start the opener. What's that, the coffee's brewing? Get back to your desk and work. What's that-the coffee will be done by the time you get back to your desk, so what's the point? Stop making sense. And it only takes 45 seconds to urinate-what were you doing for the past two minutes? Employees will do precisely what their jobs require and not one scintilla more. And less will get done in more time.

See, this mismanagement decision is an easy one. It's rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Never mind the latest drive-by, Mary just got an email from her 13-year-old daughter that she's home safely, AND SHE RESPONDED TO IT!! Productivity!! Bandwidth!! This is the third time this week, and it's only Wednesday. Smithers, drag Mary in here so that I can lecture her for an hour about wasting City time. And then schedule a staff meeting for tomorrow morning at 7:30. Yes, I know that everybody's start time is 8:00 a.m., but this'll show 'em who's boss. The topic will be efficiency in the workplace.

How does limiting surfing help the city budget? It was reported that Pittsburgh pays $1500 a month for web-access. For God's sake, my wife and I pay Comcast $50 bucks a month for high speed Internet. So the City pays as much as 30 Comcast customers monthly? And trimming this amount is somehow going to help the bottom line? OK. In the meantime, Ralph Falbo is being courted by the Mayor as a possible player in the Fifth-Forbes ongoing saga-the same Ralph Falbo who owes over half a million bucks in overdue taxes to local taxing bodies, including the city. How much workplace web surfing does half a million represent, Mr. Mayor?

Like many of us, I worked for a large downtown corporation-a health care insurer with a giant rectal thermometer at the top of it's building-and perhaps that's colored my opinion here. For example, I was in a meeting and someone asked why, as adults, we were not permitted to use a phone to call a doctor or to check on a child. The manager's response-I swear to you-was that the company permitted employees to use one of two public pay phones in the building's lobby at the employee's expense and only during the employee's 45-minute lunch break. So for all of us who have suggested that governments should be run like businesses, well, careful what you ask for.

TV execs perplexed over poor Olympics ratings

Hiring morons doesn't help.

NBC bigs woke up to the news that curling isn't as popular as curvaceous wannabe starlets. After dumping $700 million in rights fees and production costs to televise the events from Torino, network sphincters tightened throughout the building after learning that Fox's American Idol averaged 31.1 million viewers to the Games' 15.4 million.

Why is Simon Cowell more polular than, say, that gay guy on skates?

Dish advises NBC honchos to turn up the volume on their flat screens. Perhaps it may offer a clue as to why more viewers prefer a bootylicious chanteuse to Bode Miller. Last night an announcer described Snowboard Cross thusly: "Snowboard cross is a combination of snowboarding and motorcross on snow."

Paula Abdul was overheard saying: "This is so awesome. I sound smart now. Thanks CBS."

High winds threaten fabulous drapes

Could blustery and breezy weather spell curtains for a North Side B&B?

Cold Man Winter blew a big kiss on the Burgh early this morning and smacked against yards of gossamer fabric draped on The Inn on the Mexican War Streets. The former Boggs Mansion, located on W. North Ave., is always pretty as a picture, fresh as a daisy and perky as Doris Day in the morning. Not so today as 45 m.p.h. winds mussed up the inn's peignoir du porch making her resemble Krystle Carrington after a brawl with Alexis. Winds are expected to diminish this afternoon leaving a return to fabulosity in its wake.

Graffiti used as graffiti on North Side

How meta.

Conveniently located down the street from the Mattress Factory (an installation gallery/museum for you artsy fartsy phobics) is what appears to be a resume affixed to a dilapidated house. Seems Timmy the Artist armed himself with a stapler and photos of his dope, yo, (Do people say "yo" anymore? If so, are these people of the same subculture as Timmy the Artist? Dish has little street knowledge and even less street cred.) street artistry on the industry standard surfaces: windows, walls, a train. And naturally there's a photo of Timmy flipping the bird cuz it's way (insert the latest word meaning cool).

Still it's more interesting than giant "Shit" spray painted inches away. It's Timmy's irony that makes it irritating.

In any event, Dish is pretty sure this kind of thing doesn't happen in the neighborhood near the Carnegie.

....................................................................................................................

In other graffiti news, is this the correct plural of dilo? "Masterbate for Peace" says yes. "Morality in Media" says no. Dish is inclined to trust yankers over wankers.

We might sound like idiots, but God this was a hoot

Not often can you get 250,000 people to agree on anything.

Photos from our little corners of the Steelers Victory Parade by Colleen Van Tassell and Mark Weimer

   

Share your photos of the parade! E-mail them to editor@pittsburghdish.com. Please include your name and hometown.

Super Bowl victory parade draws lots of people

Tune in tomorrow for full parade coverage plus photos of the backs of many heads. Including Big Ben's. Betcha can't wait.

Whining from the West

Dropped passes, missed field goals apparently not a factor.

by John Gallone, West Coast Bureau Chief

"Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser," Vince Lombardi, well known football fan.

In Seattle it’s all over. And as incredulous Seattle fans slouch away from the bars and house parties one realization slowly set in: the 12th man who won the game wasn’t so much the Seattle fans but the field referees who, after several poor calls, seemed to stop any Seattle drive by their myopic officiating.

With minor collisions recalling goals and costly holding calls on major plays it seemed to most viewers in the northwest that the refs did everything for the Steelers short of waving terrible towels.

"When they called back our touchdown I stuck with the game but when they allowed Big Ben's quarter back sneak that gave Pittsburgh their first TD, that’s when I went home," explained one sad fan, his Seahawks jersey stained with guacamole and presumably bitter tears.

"Seahawk fans should have realized something was wrong when the referee turned to Shawn Alexander and said 'Yinz guys was offsides 'n at'" quipped one local wag familiar with the Allegheny plateau vernacular.

We wuz robbed seems to be a common refrain by fans that watched a sharp, fast Seahawk team slowly lose their grip on the Super Bowl championship aided by officials that were seen by most Seattle fans and even television commentators as "fussy."

"Did the Steelers give the refs a ride back to Pittsburgh?’ wondered Kim Niino, a diehard 49ers fan who started pulling for the Hawks "caus I just like the underdog." She added, "The Seahawks where being watched liked, well, hawks by the refs."

And so 'hawks fans see their dreams dashed in a deluge of bad calls, failed plays and missed opportunities. As they see it, all they can hope for is that once the field officials return to their regular jobs at the World Wrestling Federation, their benefits include regular eye exams.

Read more post-game boo hooing by 'Hawks fans on Deadspin.

Photo by John Gallone; Creepy baby head thing by Colleen Van Tassell